Just because I haven't been posting much doesn't actually mean I haven't been getting spanked. I just haven't had anything especially insightful to say about them (for the boring details, you can feel free to check out This Thing We Do, or my blog. W has been asking me to write about punishments and maintenance spankings right afterwards, but that doesn't lend itself to good writing, so I haven't been posting here.
Anyhow. There was a point to this post: reader participation!
W likes to spank to music. We had been using various music channels through our cable company, but that can get annoying, either because it distracts one or the other of us, or because they have a string of songs that just aren't good for spanking.
So, what is YOUR spanking soundtrack?
If you made a mix for spankings, which songs would be on it? Some of it's about finding songs with a good beat (pun not intended, but there it is!), some of it's about having songs with good lyrics, and some is about pacing the spanking. Once we've gotten our playlist set up, I'll post the songs in a comment here. Feel free to add your own, either as an entire soundtrack, or just songs you'd have on the soundtrack, in no particular order.
Responding to Wakeman
Natty got several posts up about this before I managed to, but I'm not bitter or anything. ;) But since Natty got her posts up before me, I feel *totally* justified in focusing on the things that really bugged me about the article. There were some good sides to the piece, and for a moderately mainstream examination of DD, she did portray a couple of different viewpoints.
HOWEVER. Whether because she wound up writing for Bitch Magazine, or because of her own biases, the structure of the article, the framing of quotations from her sources, and her choice of sources she quoted at all really reinforces one end of the spectrum of domestic discipline.
Where I am now
About a month ago, Mija wrote to the authors of the Punishment Book about several things, and one of the things was a suggestion that, since this is our "blogiversary," perhaps we could each write a post about where we are now, in life, and in regard to this thing we do in our relationships. I kept putting it off, but since February obliged me by having an extra day, we'll see if I can manage to get a post written and slide in under the deadline!
This thing we do
Just a quick post for anyone who missed the announcement in the comments section. I have started an online bulletin board/forum thingy around the subject of domestic discipline. It's basically a place for people who either don't fit in very well at the other DD-type forums, or who would prefer to hang out with the rest of us misfits (you know, the ones who aren't necessarily straight or Christian or believing that women are ordained by God to submit to their male partners; the main rule I have is that you have to respect that what works for you may or may not work for anyone else.)
So if you're interested, click on over an join. (And if you're a spammer, know that spam posts will be deleted asap, and spammers will be banned.)
So, after a not entirely intentional hiatus over the summer and early fall, W. and I are working on getting our "system" working (again). It's a struggle, and I'll probably wind up posting much more about it later. This stuff is hard work!
We've been going through the rules, and trying to set things up so that 1, they're actually useful for both of us, and 2, so that the consequences work for both of us. And I'm working on getting myself to trust that they will work, which is even more difficult.
One of the issues is lying (and, how unfair is this, she's including "lying by omission," which is my usual tendency, since I'm actually a pretty bad liar face to face). She's looking for ideas about specific punishments for telling lies. (I think being required to play 200 rounds of Word Whomp online would be a fitting punishment, but I think she'd disagree.)
W's also going to be getting her blog up and running, and plans to be asking a lot more questions this time around. When that's been done, I'll probably post about it, and encourage people to surf over and comment there.
Also, on a somewhat related note, if anyone knows of a DD-type forum where the people don't do the whole "this setup works because men are naturally more responsible and women are weak, and that's how God ordained things to be" thing, and where they won't object to a same-sex couple, it would be really helpful if you could let me know.
Thanks. I'll hopefully post in more detail when I have longer than 15 minutes to do so.
The Power of the Book
W. and I have a book, in which we have been writing down the various rules and "systems" we've been trying to set up, in which we record punishments, where the lines parts write are kept, and where we keep notes of what works, what doesn't, and why.
I guess you would call it our personal "punishment book."
Upping the Ante
Most of us have inner children. Some of us have inner teenagers. With dissociative identity disorder (D.I.D.), those inner teenagers are a little more complicated to deal with. They are more than that impulse inside, where someone can have a feeling, recognize it, and do something to make that feeling resolve, while still understanding the world in adult terms. So when my inner 14 year old is active, she has all the reasoning and coping skills of an actual 14 year old. You might think this would be challenging, and it is. Or, as W. would say, "Boy, howdy."
Want vs. Need
W. and I had a long conversation tonight; one of the main topics was me trying to express how I need more structured rules in my life, with both punishment and rewards as part of the system. And as I was talking about the areas where I particularly need help, I had to wonder: am I really, seriously asking to be punished for these things? Do I want to be punished for things I'm nearly certain to do (or, more to the point, do I want to be punished for not doing things I'm nearly certain not to do)?
And the answer is, "No, of course I don't WANT to be punished for these things."
Which leads to the next question: will punishments work to help me change my behaviors? And there, I think, is the answer.
Last Saturday, I got my first spanking in months. Well, "I" in a slightly loose sense of the word.
Sometimes, the title is the hardest part. I wrote this post over at Breathing In and Breathing Out. It's about the intersection between being a survivor of childhood abuse and the role of discipline/spanking in my adult life.
I had wondered whether I should post it here, or on my own blog, and decided to put it there because it's not entirely on-topic, or something like that. I guess it was the easiest way to break through my difficulties with writing, by having a space where I felt less of an obligation to offer at least slightly polished prose.
But when Natty commented that she also thought it might fit over here, I figured that perhaps it was less off-topic than I'd feared, so I thought I'd mention it.
UnexpectedI didn't expect to have a punishment to write about quite so soon. But I do. (Part of me wondered whether it was because W. wanted me to have something to post about, but she says not. She says it's not even because of my post on my own blog yesterday, but I know she read it, so I've got a few doubts.)
Yesterday was a difficult day for me. In part, it's because I've been having a lot of difficult days lately. And in part, it's because I had therapy; while therapy is good, it also takes a lot out of me, and leaves me a bit (in the sense where "a bit" means "over 90%") dissociated. Which is to say, by the time W. got home, I was rather on edge.
But I was managing. W. had given me a totally unexpected "good girl" spanking Wednesday night, and in addition to that, the effects of my Sunday night spanking had only just worn off. So I thought I was in a place where I could make it through the rest of the week.
However... I was also coping with a small part of my brain that was feeling hurt and resentful that W. has had to work such long hours recently. Rationally, I know perfectly well that it's necessary, and it's how we pay the bills, and it's how she's doing such a great job at work. But this little kid voice inside of me was letting me know that it feels (um, I guess I feel, even though I *swear* it feels separate from me!) a bit lonely and, well, not taken care of. And I guess it was showing, even though I didn't think it was.
So after dinner was over, W. said, "I guess you didn't think I noticed when you painted the wardrobe, so you did it again. I guess you're telling me you didn't get the response you wanted. I think I need to spank you for that."
Introducing Dyke GrrlFirst, I'm thrilled, just thrilled that the women of the Punishment Book think I'm cool enough to join in.
Okay, so who am I? Well, hm. On my blog, I describe myself as a happily partnered lesbian/dyke spanko. This is true. I also describe myself as a grad student and aspiring housewife. These things are also true. Of course, there's much more to it than that.
In terms of the Punishment Book, perhaps I should start by talking about the role that discipline plays in my life and relationship. This is a complicated subject. I've been a spanko for probably all of my life, and for virtually all of the time we've been together, W. (my partner) and I have used spankings for role-play and foreplay and, you know, play.