Goodness, it's been a while for me, hasn't it?
The reason it's been so long is that I've been delightfully good and obscenely responsible. No really, it's true.
Or it could be I've been remiss about a lot of things including blogging. Lately though, spanking's been on my mind and I've been writing on my personal blog. Paul and I have been having adventures, including a trip to Vegas for Shadow Lane. This meant, among other things, that I got to spend time with fellow PB writers, Bridget and Iris (& M too).
Needless to say, this made me think about a lot of spanking and PB related things.
While we were there, Paul and I used the kink focused time to talk about what I need and want (oh and what he'd like too). I'm at a critical stage in my life as a PhD. student. You'll hear more about it as the weeks go on, but this is the basic situation. Six to twelve months of productive work on my part, and it's very likely I'll finish my degree well and will be able to land a research and teaching job. Without the hard work, it's likely in 12 months I'll be looking at leaving graduate school without completing my degree.
It probably won't come as a shock when I say I'm terrified of failing. So much so, I've been almost frozen in place. Paul is helping me with this.
But his help is reminding me that one of times it's hardest for him to discipline or punish me is when I'm clearly not feeling well (either physically or mentally). His impulse at those times isn't to be heavy with me or try and encourage me to push through my illness and do as much as possibly can. Paul's kink is all (or at least to a large degree) about looking after people. Well, me anyway. When I'm sick he wants me in bed, asleep or thinking up comforting things he can buy me to eat or drink until I'm better.
Further, I'm not one of those people who, when ill, have to be dragged kicking and screaming into bed. I like being in bed, like sleeping, like being babied and fussed over.
I don't have any deep thoughts or conclusions on this subject except to say the same impulse that causes Paul to want to look after and discipline me is the same impulse that makes it hard for him to punish me when I'm not feeling well. I'm wondering if this is a problem for anyone else and how you and your partner dealt with it.
