Over on "My Bottom Smarts" Bonnie asks the questions:
- Is it possible to be submissive and equal simultaneously?
- Does the fact that you submit to spanking negatively impact your standing in your relationship?
- Do you or your partner view you as the lesser member of the relationship, or are you equal in all things other than spanking?
Bonnie's answers are great -- I wasn't sure how much I had to add. However, the issue of equality and inequality in discipline and punishment relationships comes up quite a bit so I thought maybe I could put a bit of a PB twist on the questions, so to speak.
This issue is one that's been discussed quite a bit over the years on soc.sexuality.spanking, especially as directed toward those of us that do real punishments. That is, if Pablo has the power to punish me, how can we have equal status in the relationship. especially given that I don't have the same power over him?
The answer is, in part, that this only an issue if the word "equal" is taken to mean "same."
In reality, Pab's "right" or "power" to punish me in our relationship only exists because I want it to be there -- there's nothing in our society's laws that gives one adult that sort of authority over the other. There's no court Pab could appeal to should I not want to be disciplined any longer. However much I may have consented to nonconsensuality, the consent is there and we're both aware of that.
Further, we think of ourselves as partners -- as equals. Getting married has been odd in part because I have a hard time remembering to refer to Pab as my husband -- I tend to introduce him as my partner as I did for 8 of the 10 years we've been together and only then correct myself and name him "husband." For me, "partner" is the more meaningful term. It feels the more honest and accurate as to how I feel about him. In saying this I'm not in anyway denying our marriage or saying that I don't feel like being married has brought us closer. But "partner" somehow feels connected in even more ways than a word that just means "spouse."
I had a husband once before but Pablo is the only partner I've ever had or wanted. This wandered a bit, sorry. I'll maybe try and clarify it a bit more later.