It's Not Squicky, It's My History

Trying this again ... a repost from my blog. Apologies to those who read both -- which I think is up to 4 people now. LOL

Today I was thinking about how what happened to us as children shapes who we become as adults. Of course, I began to think of this in the context of spanking. Some people find this topic extremely squicky … for me, it’s kind of matter-of-fact.

I was spanked, mostly by my mother (only once by my dad that I remember — but I remember every detail, oddly) until I was around 9 or 10. I was a good kid, really. I didn’t lie, didn’t cuss, didn’t *pick* fights with my brothers (though one of my brother’s and I fought almost constantly). When I grew into a teenager I NEVER smoked, drank, sneaked out … In fact, the only really big thing I did was have sex. I’m pretty sure if my mom thought a belt whipping would work to stop me from doing that again, she would’ve. As it was, she yelled for awhile and then said “You’re going to get PREGNANT!” and she almost passed out when I said, “I am not. I know how to use a condom properly.” Ah, memories. LOL

But some of those spankings I remember in great detail — what I had done “wrong” (some of them were just downright un-fucking-fair), where I was spanked, what I was spanked with, etc. And I remember, too, how broken I always felt afterwards. You know how you read M/f or M/m stories and there’s often a hug at the end, and the parent or adult wiping the tears away and stuff? Yeah … never happened to me. As soon as I was let up from her lap I would usually be yelled at again to go to my room — or I’d run there of my own volition — and I would bawl. I don’t remember crying because it hurt — I’m sure it did, but I don’t remember the physical pain at all — I cried because I thought she hated me when she spanked me. I never had some warm, fuzzy, “this will hurt me more than it hurts you” talk with my mom before; and there was never a hug after … I ALWAYS knew that she was angry when she spanked, and I often wouldn’t even look at her the rest of the day.

Continue reading "It's Not Squicky, It's My History" »

Posted by on 20 September 2010 at 03:08 PM in Angie, Discipline, Musings, Rules | | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Frantic Fondling

A few minutes of research indicates that I have been seriously absent here. Seriously. I've written 2 entries since this very day last year. Why, you ask? Because I'm a well-behaved (if wanton) girl. Usually.

Not today, though.

In the interest of complete transparency, I have been spanked frequently in the last year. And you might say that I've been in trouble once or twice. Generally, though, I think I've been fairly level-headed and emotionally stable this last year. All in all, there have been noticeably fewer days when I've been in a tantrum with Chris, fewer days when I'm so overwhelmed that I vacillate between distraction and depression, and many fewer days when the little things add up so dramatically that I break down in tears by bedtime.

Continue reading "Frantic Fondling" »

Posted by on 21 August 2008 at 10:46 PM in Musings, Rules, Slice of life, sparkle | | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

New Uniforms and New Beginnings

The PB has been relatively quiet lately, though research shows that's not due to a lack of spanking or spanking writing by many of the authors here.  Here's my research update.  Since last we heard from them, the ever so sexy Natty has been experimenting with topping and (of course) she has been spanked as well.   The lovely Haron has been welcomed home with a whipping (o that Abel!) while sparkle has been directed to devise her own painful welcomes for her reunion with Chris (who has been posting pictures of sparkle's bum, but that's another matter).   DykeGrrl / Jigsaw Analogy can often be found on the forum where I discovered she's getting regular maintenance spankings on Sundays (me too!). 

Finally, Paul pointed out late this afternoon that Iris was in trouble today too and going to get a spanking.  More sunburn trouble for Iris, complete with (perhaps) a spanking with / in front of a girlfriend guest. 

Okay, so I've delayed enough I guess.  A careful reader (which I'm sure you all are) would have noted the word "too" in that sentence above.  "Too" as in "also" or "as well."  Since it was agreed last Sunday that we Uniform would use Sunday's to discuss the week, and I've known all week I'd be spanked Sunday.  A tiny part of me has been looking forward to it because it would mean I was going to wear my new uniform.  But only a tiny part because I knew that the very act of wearing it would prompt a hard spanking and I'm not crazy.  You see, a little over a month ago, Paul surprised me with two authentic gym-slips.  They were ordered from a UK eBay vendor but they're imported from South Africa where school girls still wear them.  Although I'd tried them on, personal circumstances which required Paul to travel to the UK quite suddenly coupled with a heat wave (the uniform is a black wool blend) here when he returned  (with some authentic uniform shirts no less) meant I hadn't had a chance to really wear it yet.  Those of you who know me know that in addition to being a "sick little hand-tawsing freak" (thanks Niki), I have serious love for traditional uniforms.  Had this managed to be simply a maintenance spanking, it probably would have been eager anticipation I felt last night. 

Instead, given that the phrase "You'll get an e*e*a to clean you out in the morning when we get up and then we'll deal with everything else this afternoon" or something very close to it, was uttered, I was kept awake by more than just concern over the Doctor Who cliff hanger.  The e*e*a was to be my punishment for having eaten sugar without permission.

Continue reading "New Uniforms and New Beginnings " »

Posted by on 29 June 2008 at 10:54 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

A Real Punishment

It's been a long time since I've earned a real punishment.  Sure, I've been smacked and scolded; I've mouthed off and stuck out my tongue; I've transgressed minor rules and even gotten hairbrushed a little.  But a real, serious, big-time punishment?  It's been a while.

So when I got a text message from M on Monday, I was nervous.  The text said, "When you get home you are to change into your plaid skirt and a white shirt and wait for me."  Gulp.  Wouldn't you have been a little nervous?

Continue reading "A Real Punishment" »

Posted by on 14 May 2008 at 09:50 PM in Iris, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

I Like to Ask

Over the past several weeks, Chris has tried gamely to convince me to ask for a hairbrushing.

This, right now, I cannot do. I tried, really I did. I knew it would please him to take a piece of ebony or mahogany to my bottom until I was beyond whining. I knew it would please him in a convoluted way to end a punishment that has gone on much longer than either of us anticipated when he imposed it…

Maybe I should back up.

Continue reading "I Like to Ask" »

Posted by on 17 April 2008 at 11:01 PM in Musings, Rules, Slice of life, sparkle | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

The Punishment Paradox

In her weekly brunch, Bonnie has asked readers this week a question that I think most of us here on the PB have discussed at one time or another (and for some of us, numerous times) on the soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup. Namely, if we spankos actually enjoy being spanked, can punishment spankings even work? I left a short comment on Bonnie's blog but the more I thought about it, the more I decided I wanted to write more, especially as it coincides with something I've been thinking about for a few months.

This particular question is an interesting one for me as my partner and I switch but I alone get punished for real life transgressions. It's not because he's perfect and I'm not. Far from it (though not too far...::smile::). We are both equally human and fallible. Indeed, we even have a lot of the same bad habits. We both procrastinate. We both markedly underestimate how long a task will take. We can both be slightly impulsive shoppers. We are both extremely competitive (though I'm not sure that's necessarily a fault...)

Continue reading "The Punishment Paradox" »

Posted by on 17 February 2008 at 12:25 PM in FAQ, Musings, Natty, Rules | | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

Re-starting

So, after a not entirely intentional hiatus over the summer and early fall, W. and I are working on getting our "system" working (again).  It's a struggle, and I'll probably wind up posting much more about it later.  This stuff is hard work!

We've been going through the rules, and trying to set things up so that 1, they're actually useful for both of us, and 2, so that the consequences work for both of us.  And I'm working on getting myself to trust that they will work, which is even more difficult.

One of the issues is lying (and, how unfair is this, she's including "lying by omission," which is my usual tendency, since I'm actually a pretty bad liar face to face).  She's looking for ideas about specific punishments for telling lies.  (I think being required to play 200 rounds of Word Whomp online would be a fitting punishment, but I think she'd disagree.)

W's also going to be getting her blog up and running, and plans to be asking a lot more questions this time around.  When that's been done, I'll probably post about it, and encourage people to surf over and comment there.

Also, on a somewhat related note, if anyone knows of a DD-type forum where the people don't do the whole "this setup works because men are naturally more responsible and women are weak, and that's how God ordained things to be" thing, and where they won't object to a same-sex couple, it would be really helpful if you could let me know.

Thanks.  I'll hopefully post in more detail when I have longer than 15 minutes to do so.

Posted by on 05 October 2007 at 08:21 PM in Dyke Grrl, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

The Repeat Offender

Certain misdeeds chase me like demons of doom: most of the time I get punished for things I had already done wrong before, and suffered the consequences for, possibly several times.

It would be tempting to say: "Well, obviously, spanking doesn't work if you re-offend," but it's not so simple.

I don't react well to being expected to reform once and for all after only one occasion. Whether there's a spanking involved or not, the "go forth and sin no more, EVER" approach only makes me resentful: if I *could* avoid certain undesirable behaviour for the rest of my life, then I would, punishment or no punishment. I expect to live for a long time, though, and I don't anticipate spending any part of my life as a saint - which would certainly be the implication if all my usual quirks and badnesses were corrected forever within the next few years.*

One of my pet hates is hearing the phrase "Obviously, last time I didn't punish you hard enough." I don't hate it in a love/hate way: it just irritates the hell out of me. I'm not receptive to punishment when I'm irritated.

On the other hand, the phrase "I let you off last time", said in a hurt, regretful tone shred me into tiny little pieces.

Continue reading "The Repeat Offender" »

Posted by on 17 September 2007 at 02:51 AM in Haron, Musings, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Sleeping, Spice Drops and Ping Pong

Just a quick note before my embarrassing stuff, sparkle has a wonderful little entry over on her blog here and a (very hot) list of her rules and consequences here. 

So go read her stuff.

You're still here? 

Damn!

Okay, so I got spanked this morning.  Not just spanked, punished actually.  Why?  For going to bed very late (4:15am)  and then getting up very early  (6:45am). 

Details?  Okay...

Continue reading "Sleeping, Spice Drops and Ping Pong" »

Posted by on 17 August 2007 at 01:42 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Soap or Lines?

A. has developed this new affinity for including soap in any punishment he delivers over the phone -- much to my consternation (though, thankfully he hasn't been savvy enough to make sure the bar is wet or that I bite down on it, so it basically just gets on my lips, but still...).

When I whined about it this evening, he told me I should just be grateful I wasn't getting lines.

"Uh, I think I'd rather go with the lines," I grumbled while wiping my lips yet again.

Not that I really get to do any picking, but my question for you all would be to ask what you would pick: soap or lines?

Posted by on 24 April 2007 at 11:04 PM in Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (38) | TrackBack (0)

A Little More Discipline

So, on my personal blog I told the scary tale of bad bad buggery that made me very sick for a few weeks. For the first couple of those weeks I was too sick to do anything remotely naughty. But after awhile, I found myself feeling very cranky. My inner ten-year old had had just about enough of the whole staying in bed thing. Trouble was, I still wasn't healthy enough to really get out of bed much. Which just made me crankier, and yet, really wanting a spanking.

Most of you are familiar with that feeling of being annoyed by just about everything and wanting to bitch about it all (and maybe even doing so) but when all is said and done, you'd really rather just get a nice, long spanking -- though you'd probably be irritated if it was offered (or told that's what you were getting). 

I was feeling that big time.

Continue reading "A Little More Discipline" »

Posted by on 21 April 2007 at 05:29 PM in Discipline, Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

The Power of the Book

W. and I have a book, in which we have been writing down the various rules and "systems" we've been trying to set up, in which we record punishments, where the lines parts write are kept, and where we keep notes of what works, what doesn't, and why.

I guess you would call it our personal "punishment book."

Continue reading "The Power of the Book" »

Posted by on 20 April 2007 at 10:11 AM in Dyke Grrl, Musings, Rules | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Limit Testing

Right.  So the other day I said things were getting "back to normal."

They are getting back to normal, but with some bumps.  I wrote about the first day on el tercer ojo (my blog).  My plan was/is to blog each day this month about how things are going.  But of course I'm already two days behind.  This too was supposed to be written up yesterday, but again, I've fallen behind.

What I've realized though is that being away from things -- my work, spanking, uniforms and accountability in general -- has made it a little difficult for me just to step back into life as a disciplined girl (or woman, whatever).

As it says on my blog, the first day went pretty well.  I didn't get any work done, but Pab and I had already talked about that and decided I didn't need to start my school work yet.  Everything else got done that day and the bedtime spanking was a sweet good girl one that hurt, but not too much.  I went to bed feeling very smug.  Clearly we have this discipline relationship thing down, right?  And can slide back into this like a pair of comfy jeans.  Right.

Tuesday?  Not good.

Continue reading "Limit Testing" »

Posted by on 08 March 2007 at 12:07 PM in Mija, Musings, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Moving Back to Normal

Or at least we're getting back to whatever passes for normal in our house. 

In early December I had abdominal surgery that required longish incisions on my stomach.  The recovery was painful -- more-so then I expected -- despite some really really good drugs*.  The surgeon had to cut through and reconnect muscle and resew my skin together.  I was uncomfortable and needed (and got) a great deal of TLC while I was healing.

In many respects recovery wasn't fun, though I did get some really nice gifts and cards from friends and family.  However, my healing did function as a "Get out of spanking free" card.  Oh and a get out of research and writing too.

Apparently, that card has been played for the last time this month.

Continue reading "Moving Back to Normal" »

Posted by on 05 March 2007 at 12:50 PM in Discipline, Health, Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Fitting the punishment in

One of the things I noticed about working for yourself is that you never have enough time. For anything. Even for most of your work. Everything needs to be extensively planned, squeezed into the calendar, finished in too little time, crossed off the to-do list.

This seems to include punishment. Unless it's planned ahead, or cramped into a tiny pocked of the day when neither Abel nor I happen to be running mental circles around our tasks - it's not going to happen. Luckily, we've got pretty good at finding time for things like that - eventually, after much putting-off - but it has also come to mean that I'm losing any ability to worry about a punishment much beforehand - or else I'd spend days and weeks waiting for a snatched moment, fretting.

A few weeks ago Abel woke me up before going off to catch a train, and informed me I was in for it: I had let the credit on the gas meter run out again. (We are old enemies, that gas meter and I.) I sighed, and agreed, and fell back asleep until my alarm clock went, and then there was work, and more work, and over the next few days we remembered a punishment was supposed to happen, but we failed to find that small shred of time and aloneness that would make it possible.

Continue reading "Fitting the punishment in" »

Posted by on 04 February 2007 at 02:32 PM in Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Be careful what you wish for

It seems like only yesterday that I was posting here about desperately needing to be spanked.  So given the title of this post, guess what I'm writing about today? 

Yep, I've been spanked.  Several times, actually, and not fun ones either.  Serious punishments.

But if you've been paying attention in the last few months, your next question might well be, "Who could have punished Iris, given the fact that she's no longer in a disciplinary relationship?"  Or perhaps, "Who could have punished that sweet angel Iris?--she's absolutely delightful!"  Or maybe not.  :-D

Continue reading "Be careful what you wish for" »

Posted by on 10 January 2007 at 09:07 PM in Iris, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (20) | TrackBack (0)

I hate wooden spoons

The tops of my thighs are quite stingy at the moment. Especially with my sweats rubbing against them. Or rather, with my sweats rubbing against my pajama bottoms rubbing against them.

Wooden spoons really are evil. As are drafty apartments.

Continue reading "I hate wooden spoons" »

Posted by on 21 November 2006 at 08:48 PM in Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Gimme an inch...

So, um, I posted last week about how I've got a bed time now. And that I get a reprieve for Saturday nights.

Well, last night was Saturday night so I knew I could stay up to watch Saturday Night Live provided that I was in bed by midnight. And I sorta watched SNL. I mean, it was on in the background. While I talked on the phone. Until about 12:55 am. And while I was sitting on my bed, I wasn't exactly in bed (whoever knew that prepositions could be so important?). Or even ready for bed. Indeed, I didn't actually make it into bed with the lights out until 1:15 am.

"Right. I have to have a think about your punishment," A. said to me tonight on the phone with that stern, British accent of his.

So tonight I'll be going to bed at 12 am sharp. And wondering about what my punishment is going to be.

Gulp.

Posted by on 19 November 2006 at 10:35 PM in Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Bedtime Blues

For the first time in our four and half year relationship, A. is enforcing a bedtime for me.

Both he and I have generally been night owls, appreciating a certain level of creative energy that comes in the wee hours. Long ago I used to be a morning person, but since my illness has reeked havoc with my circadian rhythm, I've been a I'll-go-to-sleep-whenever-I'm-damn-well-tired-enough-to-and- wake-up-whenever-I-damn-well-wake-up sort of person.

However, since being diagnosed with and beginning treatment for hypothyroidism at the end of August, my circadian rhythm has settled down into some regularity. By midnight I start getting pretty sleepy and if I stay up much later, I'm barely able to drag myself into the bathroom to brush my teeth, floss, pee, etc. And for the next two days I'll be groggy regardless of how late I slept in.

But, well, despite how much sense it makes to go to bed at midnight, I'd never quite make it there before 1 or 2 or even 3 am. I mean, I've been going to bed in the am for years now, so I just don't think about getting ready for bed at, say, 11 pm.

Well, I do now.

Continue reading "Bedtime Blues" »

Posted by on 11 November 2006 at 10:30 PM in Health, Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

Reporting for Punishment

'I hope you'll dress smartly for your appointment,' said Abel as I curled up in my bath robe at half past 10 in the morning.

'What do you want, a ball gown?' I said. Nevertheless, I dragged myself upstairs to put some clothes on. At 11am exactly I was supposed to knock on his office door, reporting for my punishment.

This used to be a fantasy of mine: hours of anticipation, self-conscious squirming, minutes ticking away - walking up the stairs with enough time to spare that I can take a few deep breaths at the door to calm my nerves. We sometimes role-play with scenes like that, and I love it. Reality has shown that I'm just so good at compartmentalisation, that the first time I thought about the punishment that morning when Abel reminded me to get dressed for it. Not that I wasn't happy to get over with it: the punishment had been hanging over me for more than a day.

Continue reading "Reporting for Punishment" »

Posted by on 20 October 2006 at 04:19 AM in Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (22) | TrackBack (0)

Motivation

So getting to today. 

As I mentioned below, today was not a good day.  It started out rather badly as I stayed up too late last night (and got spanked quite hard with a wooden spoon for thoughtlessness).  I'd been out of sort all day yesterday and started that way today too.

A conversation with a friend helped, and reminded me that I needed to get to working.  But 2:30 rolled past and I was still in my "going to get coffee" sun-dress rather than my "getting down to work" uniform.   Pab was in the other room busily working.  Probably thinking I was too. Probably not realizing (because I'd been crafty enough not to post anything) that while the iMac was locked, my Powerbook was still on the 'net. 

But the day was slipping past.  What I couldn't do, without talking to him, was leave.  And I wanted to go shopping -- and I really need some new cords. 

I had an idea.  Instead of today, I could work tomorrow.  It would all even out the same and I'd have gotten my weekly pages done.  Besides, I'd worked hard (for me anyway) all month.  Surely I deserved this Friday off to shop on Third Street.

Continue reading "Motivation" »

Posted by on 06 October 2006 at 06:02 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

Locks, Keys and Chaos

I left the front door unlocked twice last week.

Chris has a habit of asking, on his way out the door, if I’ll lock it behind him so he doesn’t have to pause and do it himself. Now, to be fair, he usually has his hands full or is in a ‘9-1-1’ rush, and he always asks and doesn’t tell, but I generally feel obliged to say yes.

Sometimes, however, ‘right now’ isn’t convenient. I’m in the bathroom with the baby, getting dressed, feel lazy, have something on a hot stove, am in the middle of Civ IV, trying to change a diaper, etc. So I’ll answer with perfectly good intentions, “I will in a few minutes.” And generally I do.

Continue reading "Locks, Keys and Chaos" »

Posted by on 07 August 2006 at 10:20 AM in Rules, Slice of life, sparkle | | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

Needing More

I got spanked yesterday.  Punished, actually.  Last week I'd had a Diet Coke when I wasn't supposed to, yada yada, and he'd pronounced sentence: a sound hairbrushing.  I didn't totally agree with the severity of the punishment, but we talked about it and ended up more or less agreeing.  (Mostly he listened to me patiently and then said, "Yes, but you're still getting spanked.")

So he pulled me over his knee, lifted up my skirt, and pulled down my panties (there's something much more embarrassing about having a thong pulled down--no idea why).  Gave me a slight warm-up with his hand and moved on to the more serious stuff.  He started with a rice paddle, which stung like the dickens (and I HATE sting).  He even used it on my thighs, though he claims those spanks were "light."  Then he moved to a hairbrush and started spanking hard and fast, with no breaks and no mercy.  I was kicking and bucking like crazy, trying to do anything to get out of the path of the brush, but he held on tight and spanked inside my bottom and thighs when I twisted to get away.  And THEN he took the mean hairbrush and did the same thing all over again.  Needless to say, it was a very thorough hairbrushing.

But when he was done and we were snuggling on the bed, I knew I wasn't done.

Continue reading "Needing More" »

Posted by on 17 July 2006 at 10:38 PM in Iris, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (21) | TrackBack (0)

Waiting For My Punishment

The punishment I got the other day was marked by the longest wait I've had to endure between finding out I was going to be punished and finally getting it over with.

Do you know that in Tyrer v. the UK, the European Human Rights Court case that screwed judicial birching of juveniles forever, the Court was swayed, among other things, because the lad had to wait 3 days for his birching? Yup, the Court thought things like that made a punishment inhuman.* Well, I had to wait for 9 full days for my comeuppance, and it nearly killed me.

It so happened that earlier this month Abel and I left home on the same day to go in different directions: I was going to spend a couple of weeks with my parents in Kiev, and he was doing his usual flitting-about all business-like thing. He was coming home a week before my return.

"I wonder," he said on the phone just after getting home, "is there a good reason why the indicator on the gas boiler should be flashing red?"

I have a history with the gas boiler, documented for posterity, and rather unpleasant. "Um," I said, feeling slightly ill. "It's, um. I think it might be out of credit."

Continue reading "Waiting For My Punishment" »

Posted by on 01 May 2006 at 02:17 PM in Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

Just Splenda

Just great.  No really.

So this morning I was sipping my coffee (trust me, the day doesn't start for me until I get my caffine fix) and teasing Pab a bit to see if we were going to get to do anything fun today or if he had to work.  He'd just told me that we'd go for a bit of a wander, but I needed to let him finish something he was doing.

I left the room with some sort of comment.  Probably very clever and funny (though of course I can't remember it) and got a small, shivery threat as my reward. 

Continue reading "Just Splenda" »

Posted by on 22 April 2006 at 02:49 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Paddled For Working Too Hard

"What happened to your morning break?" asked Abel, standing over me.

I blinked at him. I was going through one of my productive spells, typing away, as though the whole thesis had always been a breeze. A morning break? I wasn't aware it was time to have one, no more than I could tell what time it was, or what day it was, or for how long I'd been typing.

Sometimes I go through dry spells in my work, where I stare at the screen for hours, studying every fleck of dust, waiting for the moment it's finally time to make coffee, or an excuse to forget about the whole thing altogether. And then there are times when I sink my teeth into a piece of work, and not let go until it goes so dark that I can't see my longhand notes. For some reason, Abel isn't happy about either of these methods of research: he has drawn up a timetable for me, which includes breaks.

I love breaks. Really. But sometimes breaking up is a nuissance, and up until that morning last week I'd thought it was optional, too.

"The break? Uhm. I forgot about it," I said. I mean, I was working. The text was adding up. That was good. Right?

Not if you're Abel.

"Upstairs," he said.

"Wha... Why?" I'd never been in trouble for working too much. This was too weird for words, and I even pinched myself on the thigh, to check whether I was having one of my frequent spanking dreams.

"You've been given a timetable," lectured my husband, pushing me up the stairs with a palm between my shoulder blades. "It's there to be observed."

Well, yes, but wasn't it there to keep me chained to the keyboard, rather than to make sure I'd had enough cups of coffee?

Not according to Abel. In reality - according to Abel's version of reality - it was there to help me pace myself. To keep me from burning out. To make sure I was still at my desk the next day, instead of being so tired that I head out for lunch with a girlfriend and turn it into afternoon tea, after which I'd get invited to stay for dinner and sleep over.

The timetable was binding, you see, and that included the breaks.

In our bedroom he told me to bend down with my elbows on the bed, and picked up a frat paddle that had stayed there from when we'd last played with it. (Note to self: in future, tidy away implements after playing. Like, immediately.)

"That's so unfair!" I protested. "I didn't know I had to take breaks! Hey, put that thing down!" I babbled my protestations. This has been known to get me into further trouble, but Abel must have been feeling generous, or maybe lazy. (Hi, Abel - do you like this entry? Good.)

He gently advised me to shut up, and then swung the paddle back, and landed it on my jean-clad behind with a good crack.

"Oooooh," I said appreciatevely. I didn't cry it out - this wasn't a hard enough stroke to yelp - but sort of breathed it, as tingling spread over my cheeks.

"Alright, stand up," said Abel.

And that was it. One swat, and he gave me a hug, and told me to go downstairs and have a break.

I didn't even have a heart to mumble anything rude, because he'd hardly been too harsh. But now I set up reminders for when I'm due to break for coffee.

Posted by on 10 April 2006 at 10:56 AM in Education, Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

My Notebook

The last couple of months have been weird as far as discipline goes. I've been spanked here and there, sporadically, for various things. But, there hasn't been much consistency and that's due to a LOT of different things -- illnesses, vacations, frustration.  What usually happens with me didn't fail to happen this time. I got completely out of control, sank into a depression, and felt like the only way to get out of this was to start enforcing some structure and discipline. Fortunately, I have a man who agrees.

Continue reading "My Notebook" »

Posted by on 09 February 2006 at 04:24 PM in Angie, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

A New Year

I haven't been around much since the holidays.  Pablo and I were in the UK (which was great fun though very cold) and then when I got back I had some computer problems which seem to be mostly resolved.

Much of the time in the UK was spent seeing family (and happily some friends too).  But we did have some time alone and some privacy too.  Much more privacy than we had at home, thanks to the generosity of some dear (and delightfully kinky) friends who loaned us their fantastic home while they were away.

To mark both our anniversary (December 29) and the start of a new year Pablo and I talked about what we wanted to do for the coming year.  Um, in terms of me and my goals.  Obviously looking after me isn't a full time job.

No really, it isn't.

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Posted by on 08 February 2006 at 12:03 PM in Discipline, Mija, Musings, Rules | | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Little again

I haven’t felt really little in ages. RL punishment just hasn’t been a part of our relationship for a long time. But I think that’s changing. It’s weird how something so gentle and loving can regress me so much in age.

It’s my job to clean the house. That’s fair enough. And Q is usually pretty understanding. It’s a big house, after all, and at least he’s not a neat freak. But it’s nice to sweep the dead things out of the corners once in a while. The kitchen is the only area he comes down on me about. He says it’s a hygiene issue. Hygiene, shmygiene. I’m not that fussed, to be honest. I mean, I don’t understand why the floor needs to be clean enough to eat off it. Even if it IS that clean, I’m not eating off it. And anything that gets dropped on it goes straight in the bin. **sigh**

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Posted by on 03 February 2006 at 04:55 AM in Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Ivory Woes: The (Hopefully) Final Chapter

Yes, yes, I'd hoped we'd heard the last of this saga too.

Last night I came back home from my parents' house which I will hence forth call the "The Sugar Shack" in honor of the amazing number of desserts existing under a single roof.  Getting home involved (for Pablo) a dead battery, a tow truck and an emergency favor from a friend).  It was after 11 by the time we got inside.  Still, even with all of that, he'd worn new white stiff collared shirt (it's one of our little rituals and one that had been too long coming) so I knew he'd been thinking about stuff.

I sort of hoped that meant we could skip the spanking and soaping. Because he knew I had to get up at 6am for work (ugh!) Pablo offered to wait until tonight.  I thought about it, I mean any delay in a storm, but then I realized I'd have to spend the whole day thinking about it.

Better to get it over with I thought.

And with that I gave him my additional bad news.

I'd had a cookie on the plane.

Continue reading "Ivory Woes: The (Hopefully) Final Chapter" »

Posted by on 29 November 2005 at 09:37 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Ivory Woes (Part 2)

So, as you may remember from Wednesday, soap became my long-distance punishment for eating sugar.   You may also have notice my comment that yesterday I ate chocolate without thinking about it.   The following is my account of the conversation Pablo and I had last night.  There is no spanking (for those of you who look to this page for that stuff) and more white bar horror.

If you find this somewhat tedious, I'll defend myself by pointing out that the account isn't entirely voluntary.  In fact, it isn't at all.

Continue reading "Ivory Woes (Part 2)" »

Posted by on 25 November 2005 at 07:12 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Ivory Woes

I've been intending for a while to write an entry about non spanking sorts of punishments.  Intending to but not actually doing it.  I'm not sure this entry will either but I have to write it and so it's a start.

As I mentioned in this entry, I can't have very much sugar without getting sick.  (I did make it through that week, finally btw.)  But this week I'm staying at my parents' house where the sugar supply is endless.  After several days of hearing (Pab is at home several hundred miles away) of my failure to avoid sweet treats, Pab told me last night that I was to buy a bar of soap today and have it ready for tonight were I to continue to eat too much sugar.

Well, actually, he said "no" sugar.  Which is sort of the problem. 

The threat / warning was enough to make me tear up.   

Continue reading "Ivory Woes" »

Posted by on 24 November 2005 at 01:23 AM in Health, Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Too Sweet

Can I just say that spankings really really hurt?  Not just on my bottom, though that's certainly true, but on my ego.  Especially when the spanking wasn't for something I did deliberately, that is something where I thought "I shouldn't be doing this but I'm going to anyway" but because I'm too spacey to remember what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm sitting rather tenderly just at the moment because I'd promised (after a rather epic-ly painful hair-brushing) not to have any sugar for five days.   How long ago had I tearfully promised that?  Less than forty-eight hours ago. 

Doh!

Continue reading "Too Sweet" »

Posted by on 05 November 2005 at 04:35 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

A Naughty, Punished Wife... or whatever you call it

Two weeks ago I got what was easily the most embarrassing punishment of my life. Mind you, it's no use going "oooooh", and starting to scroll down in search of all the mortifying things that a man can do to a woman's body (and I'm sure we can all imagine plenty of those). The embarrassing thing about my punishment was its cause: it was a stereotypical thing that a stereotypical wife does in your dull, stereotypical spanking story; the sort, you know, that you never read to the end. How would you like to be a walking, bending over, squealing stereotype?

And what did I do that was so terribly stereotypical, you ask?

Continue reading "A Naughty, Punished Wife... or whatever you call it" »

Posted by on 07 September 2005 at 10:52 AM in Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (27) | TrackBack (0)

Too Undisciplined For Discipline?

I'm recovered from surgery now.  My body is feeling pretty good and my brain is as good as it's ever been.  Which of course isn't saying much.  Stress is a bit high, but tolerable.

I've known for a few months now it was time to talk to Paul about bringing more structure back into our relationship.  Or, more specifically, into my life.  We were doing pretty well with it in February but my surgery and recovery took us away from that.  Paul's far too sweet to hold me accountable when I'm not feeling well.  He took such good care of me. 

About a month ago I had the conversation.  Do you know the one?  It's tough.  It's when I ask for more accountability.  More close supervision.  More structure.  The conversation went well and I was happy that he'd been thinking about that too.  I was about to go away for a week so we decided (he asked and I agreed) to write my thoughts on what I needed and a plan.  I agreed to that too.  But I didn't write it. 

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Posted by on 11 August 2005 at 04:09 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

How I Got The Slipper

I was slaving away at my thesis, quite pleased with my well-behaved self, when a dark silhouette of my husband appeared in the door frame and commanded: "Get upstairs, now. You know why."

I swear, I had no idea, and it took several heart-thudding seconds for me to figure it out, and when I did, I could only groan. As much as I like to argue my way out of a punishment, there was no way out of this one.

Even when one is feeling particularly virtuous (in a smug sort of way), reality has ways of reminding one that a bare-bottom spanking is only a flick away. A flick, more specifically, of a light switch. Yes, my crime was trivial: I was reading in the dark. Abel decided a while ago that my habit of not turning on the lights as I'm working in a darkening room needed to be stamped out. Or spanked out.

Continue reading "How I Got The Slipper" »

Posted by on 09 August 2005 at 11:13 AM in Education, Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

When A Pair Isn't Two Of A Kind

A lot of stuff has been going on around here recently.  Not that this is an excuse or anything, but it's hard for me to think clearly about discipline, punishment, spanking, kink, or anything sexual when my parents inhabit my office and other living space and work occupies nearly every waking minute that the baby doesn’t.

Anyway, awhile ago, Lil asked the question:  "Have any of you ever needed discipline (even a play spanking) from your Dom, then discovered that he is not remotely interested in giving you one, or even having anything at all to do with spanking?"

The question brought up an entire gamut of emotions and memories for me.  And to be honest, a (general) topic I've considered writing about before is the dissonance between partners' kinks and/or libidos.  It's a topic in which I have a personal interest.

I suppose most of the time that most married couples don't have equal libidos.  That is, one half of the couple is probably more interested in sex than the other half.  Or, at least, at any given opportunity, one partner is generally more interested in sex than the other because of fatigue, stress, timing, atmosphere, or even the evening television schedule.  So I suspect it is normal that partners' kink abilities don't exactly align either.

Continue reading "When A Pair Isn't Two Of A Kind" »

Posted by on 31 March 2005 at 02:19 PM in Musings, Rules, sparkle | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

The Girl Behind the Masks

My contributions to this site have thus far been rather sparse. For that I apologise, but I haven’t had anything specific to write about. However, Mija’s post, ‘So, Does It Work?’ has got me thinking. (Especially since I’m writing this instead of the story whose deadline is just around the corner!) Mija, I couldn’t agree more with your answers ‘Yes, no, sometimes and it depends’ in response to the question about whether RL discipline works.

Continue reading "The Girl Behind the Masks" »

Posted by on 14 March 2005 at 05:26 AM in Musings, Rules | | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

So does it work?

Does discipline and punishment work for me?  This is probably a question for the site FAQ (er, when we get around to writing one).  It's something that has come up in the Usenet group we've all been part of (alt.sex.spanking and its successor soc.sexuality.spanking).  Can any adult, especially an adult with a spanking fetish (which I feel safe in saying all of the blog authors have to some degree or other) be punished by spanking and have that punishment work to change their behavior?

My answer: Yes, no, sometimes and it depends.

Does that make sense?

Continue reading "So does it work?" »

Posted by on 09 March 2005 at 10:51 PM in FAQ, Mija, Musings, Rules | | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

Being Good

So, the spanking from my previous post was over, but the realcitrant chapter was still waiting to be written, and so my sweetie Abel devised a cunning plan.

Continue reading "Being Good" »

Posted by on 23 February 2005 at 07:25 AM in Education, Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

I Really Do Appreciate It, I Think

This incident begins about two weeks ago - the day our daughter discovered that the shredder bin was full of a million tiny pieces of paper.

Now, she'd found the shredder before, and delighted in dropping things into the bin.  I've found lost sets of keys, lost highlighters and pens, lost baby toys, even lost rubber duckies.

About two weeks ago, however, she discovered that she could reach down into the shredder and pull out all of the delightful mess inside. 

I hate messes. 

Continue reading "I Really Do Appreciate It, I Think" »

Posted by on 17 February 2005 at 06:16 PM in Rules, Slice of life, sparkle | | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Diminishing Returns?

I really MUST get some work done this evening.  For my own peace of mind, I know, but that peace of mind has been chiseled away over the last three or four days.

Still, C and I have been having an ongoing discussion about something that I think is relevant to Punishment Book - we've been discussing the power of rituals.

Continue reading "Diminishing Returns?" »

Posted by on 15 February 2005 at 08:39 PM in Musings, Rules, sparkle | | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

A Sunday in Disgrace

So last night I posted that I wouldn't be on-line today (Sunday) and that I was to be punished but didn't know what would happen. Pablo has done a number of different things to punish me over the years we've been together. I suspected it would involve pain and my bottom, but also wondered what else might be done.

Frequently the "what else" is the hardest part.

All day yesterday I seemed to be pretending tomorrow (today) was Monday rather than Sunday. Sunday is our traditional day for accounting the past week and planning the next. And this was an accounting I feared, while at the same time I was also afraid that maybe Pablo was going to tell me that since I wasn't putting in any effort, we were going to once again put the idea of discipline (I like sparkle's term "methodic discipline") on hold for a while. You see, one of the things we've discovered is that Pablo can't pull me along (at least not very far or very often). He can be very effective at pushing me back on track, but the primary motivation must always come from inside me.

This week it hasn't.

Continue reading "A Sunday in Disgrace" »

Posted by on 13 February 2005 at 11:16 PM in Education, Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (20) | TrackBack (0)

Getting Back on Track

I was punished today.

Basically, I have very simple rules. Drink at least 32 ounces of water each day (you wouldn't believe how incredibly difficult this is for me!), clean the cat's litterbox Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and use the Clinique stuff I just got for my face as directed -- which means the cleanser and creams each night and the creams in the morning. These are basic, simple, ordinary things -- things I should be doing anyway, without external motivation.

Continue reading "Getting Back on Track" »

Posted by on 13 February 2005 at 07:28 PM in Angie, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)