Where I am now

About a month ago, Mija wrote to the authors of the Punishment Book about several things, and one of the things was a suggestion that, since this is our "blogiversary," perhaps we could each write a post about where we are now, in life, and in regard to this thing we do in our relationships. I kept putting it off, but since February obliged me by having an extra day, we'll see if I can manage to get a post written and slide in under the deadline!

Continue reading "Where I am now" »

Posted by on 29 February 2008 at 03:23 PM in About the PB, Dyke Grrl, Musings | | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Out of Sorts

I’m in a pretty weird place today. Unfortunately I can’t go into all the details, but I can say I’ve been involved in a pretty big screwup. I’m one of those people who tends to be very hard on myself. I have a lot of ingrained guilt, and even when I haven’t screwed up big time I can usually find several examples of mistakes throughout a given day. If left to my own devices I could easily find a reason why I deserve punishment all the time.

My  Owner doesn’t view me the same way.  One of the earliest pieces of advice he ever gave me was, “Being a better submissive means learning to trust your Dominant to punish you when you need it and not do it to yourself.”  I’ve always taken that to heart, but I’m not terribly good at putting it into practice.  You can probably imagine that if I’m guilt ridden in general, I’m ridiculous when I have something specific to obsess about.

Continue reading "Out of Sorts" »

Posted by on 22 February 2008 at 02:04 PM in Bridget, Slice of life | | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

The Punishment Paradox

In her weekly brunch, Bonnie has asked readers this week a question that I think most of us here on the PB have discussed at one time or another (and for some of us, numerous times) on the soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup. Namely, if we spankos actually enjoy being spanked, can punishment spankings even work? I left a short comment on Bonnie's blog but the more I thought about it, the more I decided I wanted to write more, especially as it coincides with something I've been thinking about for a few months.

This particular question is an interesting one for me as my partner and I switch but I alone get punished for real life transgressions. It's not because he's perfect and I'm not. Far from it (though not too far...::smile::). We are both equally human and fallible. Indeed, we even have a lot of the same bad habits. We both procrastinate. We both markedly underestimate how long a task will take. We can both be slightly impulsive shoppers. We are both extremely competitive (though I'm not sure that's necessarily a fault...)

Continue reading "The Punishment Paradox" »

Posted by on 17 February 2008 at 12:25 PM in FAQ, Musings, Natty, Rules | | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

Wrong Focus?

“Am I in trouble Sir?”

“You need to stop asking that question.  I will let you know if you are in trouble. If you are focused on that you’re focused on the wrong thing.”

Um… oh.

That was the conversation we had this morning. I’m really not even sure how to respond to it. I have a feeling he thinks I am in a different place than I am.  See, the reason I always ask if I am in trouble isn’t because I focus on punishment, or that I’m trying to do the minimum to avoid getting in trouble. I realize that part of being a slave is failing at times and that my focus should be on serving him the best I can rather than avoiding punishment.

So why do I ask, then? Well, because I need more processing time than he does.

Continue reading "Wrong Focus?" »

Posted by on 07 February 2008 at 11:19 AM in Bridget, Musings | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

My punishment book

It was December 2002 and A. was my ambiguously undefined cyber-guy. We had been chatting (and flirting) online for months and finally declared over Yahoo Messenger that we really cared about each other. That we were a couple – you know, in an ambiguously undefined way.

Even more ambiguously undefined was how we'd ever be a couple in a clear and defined way. I was in Oregon. He was in England. I was bedridden. He was on the dole. I was praying just to get on the dole.

One afternoon – at least afternoon on my side of the Atlantic – we were doing the Nick Cohen End of the Year quiz at the Observer website. A. told me not to cheat by looking down at the answers. Which meant, of course, that I totally had to cheat.

"You really need your backside tanned, young lady," A. typed.

"Nuh uh," I replied.

"Hrm...well luckily for you, and your bottom, I am a few thousand miles away."

I grinned at first. But that longing to be together quickly stole my smugness and replaced it with grim silence.

Continue reading "My punishment book" »

Posted by on 06 February 2008 at 02:29 AM in Natty, Slice of life | | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

All About Bridget!

Hi there everyone! As Mija mentioned already I did indeed write this intro recently in anticipation of being added to this site. I'm pretty excited to be here, so I hope I have something of value to add! Anyway, all the relevant details are bellow. I will wait nervously for your feedback!

I'm a young woman in my early twenties. I live in the middle of the USA with my family. My family consists of three children and three adults. No, we don't have grandma living with us. We have what is called a polyamorous relationship. Both myself and the other woman are involved with the same man. Are you scandalized? My parents are. This is an ongoing source of drama in my life. I'm sure you will hear about it again.

Most relevant to PB readers- what we have together is a Master/slave dynamic. In this instance He is the Master, and we are the slaves. In the most simple terms this means that He gets to control whatever he wants and we get to, well, obey.  When we fail at the obedience thing is when discipline comes into play. Yes, it's usually painful.

There are some external things that go with being a slave. We address Him as "Sir." We sleep on the floor.  We (read I) take care of most of the housework.  We usually don't get to watch what we want on TV.  Most of these things are actually more subtle than you might expect, though, and except for there being three of us we don't look that different from any of those sappy 1950s TV shows.

Continue reading "All About Bridget!" »

Posted by on 30 January 2008 at 04:59 PM in About the PB, Bridget, Musings | | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

Introducing Bridget as Our Birthday Present

Three years ago today the first entries to the PB went up!  Woot!  And to celebrate, a present for our readers and ourselves.

It's my pleasure to introduce a new PB writer today.  She's both thoughtful and delightful and her name is Bridget.  I know my procrastination in getting her added has been long enough that she's already got her introduction written so you have that delight to look forward to -- if you can't wait, the link to her blog is here.  But I'll post a few of my own details about young Bridget just as a teaser.

Bridget is in her 20s, part of a poly family and in a Master / slave relationship.  There have been occasions where I've heard What It Is We Do contrasted with BDSM and specifically the M/s dynamic but from what I've seen we've got a great deal in common, specifically in the area of being held accountable to an external authority.  But anyway, I'm looking forward to Bridget's entries here and everyone's discussion of them.

Happy 2008 and happy birthday to us!

Posted by on 30 January 2008 at 04:25 PM in About the PB, Bridget, Mija, Musings | | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

How sparkle and Chris did not save my ass

It doesn't really seem fair to get spanked when one has company.  I mean, hospitality and propriety mean something, right?  So it seems even less fair to get spanked in front of company.

Even if they're kinky company.

Even if they're kinky, into-discipline company. 

Even if both members of said company have spanked me in the past.

Continue reading "How sparkle and Chris did not save my ass" »

Posted by on 23 December 2007 at 10:11 PM in Iris, Slice of life | | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

Helping your neighbours

I'm not usually big on practical jokes, because I like people around me to feel good. I'm empathic like that. However, I'm not completely above occasional little naughtiness when events call for it.

This time, it felt like the events were *begging* for it. Abel and I were showing our friend Sarah around our town when we encountered one of these charity fund-raisers with a bucket: you throw some coins in there, and the guy gives you a sticker to say what a big damn hero you are for giving money away.

So. Abel tosses some coins into the bucket and receives the sticker. Now, if you happen to have a child with you, stickers are great. Otherwise? Not so great. Grown-up clothes don't look so good accessorised with stickers, plus there's icky glue on them. Plus, it's uncool to advertise your charitable donations - particularly, with a big piece of paper stuck to your boob. Therefore, I felt I was justified in rolling my eyes a little when Abel slapped the sticker onto the outside of my coat. "Keep it there," he said sternly.

It felt like he was putting me through a character-building exercise.

Continue reading "Helping your neighbours" »

Posted by on 29 November 2007 at 09:55 PM in Haron, Slice of life | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

How my sister's dog saved my ass

Tuesday night I was dogsitting for my sister for a few hours when A. called for our daily chat. And in the course of our chat I had to confess that I had gone to bed 40 minutes late. Which was bad, but especially naughty as I had gone to bed that late the night before and gotten off with a warning.

"I think your sister's dog is going to witness a little domestic discipline," A. said. "Better fetch the ping pong paddle." (Which I was surprised he was even bothering with as he said the day before he can never take it seriously as an implement.)

"But," I whined. "I can't do this in front of the dog. She's looking at me."

And she was too. A tan, medium-sized, short-haired dog with big floppy ears sprawled out at the end of the bed who raised her head up and turned it toward me with big dark chocolate eyes.

"Bare bottom, please."

I pouted and pulled down my leggings and underwear. And felt weird as hell as the dog stared at me while I laid down on the bed, paddle in hand.

Continue reading "How my sister's dog saved my ass" »

Posted by on 03 November 2007 at 11:42 PM in Natty, Slice of life, Surreal | | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

Domestic Discipline vs. What We Do

Dyke Grrl's explanation in the comments section of the last post regarding why the term "domestic discipline" doesn't work for her reminds me of a conversation A. and I were having a few months back. It was about my bedtime and there were a number of factors complicating what should be a fairly straightforward issue. "I'm just following your lead," A. said finally. "Let me know what you want me to do and I'll do it."

I remember chuckling to myself at the time and thinking you'd never hear that sort of thing on most domestic discipline sites. But then, I've never really considered our disciplinary arrangement "domestic discipline."

Continue reading "Domestic Discipline vs. What We Do" »

Posted by on 25 October 2007 at 12:52 AM in About the PB, FAQ, Feminism, Musings, Natty | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

This thing we do

Just a quick post for anyone who missed the announcement in the comments section.  I have started an online bulletin board/forum thingy around the subject of domestic discipline.  It's basically a place for people who either don't fit in very well at the other DD-type forums, or who would prefer to hang out with the rest of us misfits (you know, the ones who aren't necessarily straight or Christian or believing that women are ordained by God to submit to their male partners; the main rule I have is that you have to respect that what works for you may or may not work for anyone else.)

So if you're interested, click on over an join.  (And if you're a spammer, know that spam posts will be deleted asap, and spammers will be banned.)

Posted by on 23 October 2007 at 05:48 AM in Dyke Grrl, Web/Tech | | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Kinks in Our Punishment Kink: Insecurity

One of the best things about the Punishment Book, in my opinion, is that among the eight of us authors, we have a lot of years of scene experience.  Some of us have been part of the online community from its earliest seeds.  Some of us are regular party-goers.  Some of us are well-respected authors.  All of us have spent years coming to terms with our kink: running from it, refining it, chiding ourselves, feeling the warm rush of acceptance (from ourselves and others), nurturing others, relishing it, and living with a strongly empowered sense of identity.

And after all those years of struggle?  Ta da!  We're all accomplished scene advisors.  We have individual web sites and all contribute to this highly respected blog.  Which must mean that we're all completely over the insecurities of this kinky identity, right?

Continue reading "Kinks in Our Punishment Kink: Insecurity" »

Posted by on 22 October 2007 at 08:13 PM in Iris, Musings | | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Lurking Out Loud

Hi there.

Yes, we can see you.  Well, sort of anyway.  Our stat counter frequently tells us that there's more than a thousand readers a day here.  Okay, so some of those are hits from people doing a quick look for pictures (sorry folks) and then moving on.  But a lot of you stay and read.  Some of you comment (and we're glad of that), but others don't say anything.

This post is for you.  Because we understand -- we've all lurked too.  It's easy to wonder if your comments would be welcome.  Maybe you disagree with something one of us posted (that's fine, fun even).  We're all used to disagreement.  Or maybe it seems like we just talk to each other and a small circle of friends.  It is true we know each other, but we want to know you too.   

Go on, post a comment.  What about?  Anything.  Maybe a favorite book? 

I'll start.  For me, I think my favorite book of all time is Pride and Prejudice (with Jane Eyre running a close second).  I read it the first time at 12 and remember loving it then.  And every time I've read it since I've found something new to enjoy in the text.  What do I love most about it?  That both Elizabeth and Darcy have to change and develop.  There's something very romantic about that.

Okay, your turn!  And if you're a regular or irregular commenter, go ahead and say hi too!

Many thanks to the amazing Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts for organizing Love Our Lurkers day!

Posted by on 12 October 2007 at 10:26 AM in About the PB | | Comments (39) | TrackBack (0)

Re-starting

So, after a not entirely intentional hiatus over the summer and early fall, W. and I are working on getting our "system" working (again).  It's a struggle, and I'll probably wind up posting much more about it later.  This stuff is hard work!

We've been going through the rules, and trying to set things up so that 1, they're actually useful for both of us, and 2, so that the consequences work for both of us.  And I'm working on getting myself to trust that they will work, which is even more difficult.

One of the issues is lying (and, how unfair is this, she's including "lying by omission," which is my usual tendency, since I'm actually a pretty bad liar face to face).  She's looking for ideas about specific punishments for telling lies.  (I think being required to play 200 rounds of Word Whomp online would be a fitting punishment, but I think she'd disagree.)

W's also going to be getting her blog up and running, and plans to be asking a lot more questions this time around.  When that's been done, I'll probably post about it, and encourage people to surf over and comment there.

Also, on a somewhat related note, if anyone knows of a DD-type forum where the people don't do the whole "this setup works because men are naturally more responsible and women are weak, and that's how God ordained things to be" thing, and where they won't object to a same-sex couple, it would be really helpful if you could let me know.

Thanks.  I'll hopefully post in more detail when I have longer than 15 minutes to do so.

Posted by on 05 October 2007 at 08:21 PM in Dyke Grrl, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

The Repeat Offender

Certain misdeeds chase me like demons of doom: most of the time I get punished for things I had already done wrong before, and suffered the consequences for, possibly several times.

It would be tempting to say: "Well, obviously, spanking doesn't work if you re-offend," but it's not so simple.

I don't react well to being expected to reform once and for all after only one occasion. Whether there's a spanking involved or not, the "go forth and sin no more, EVER" approach only makes me resentful: if I *could* avoid certain undesirable behaviour for the rest of my life, then I would, punishment or no punishment. I expect to live for a long time, though, and I don't anticipate spending any part of my life as a saint - which would certainly be the implication if all my usual quirks and badnesses were corrected forever within the next few years.*

One of my pet hates is hearing the phrase "Obviously, last time I didn't punish you hard enough." I don't hate it in a love/hate way: it just irritates the hell out of me. I'm not receptive to punishment when I'm irritated.

On the other hand, the phrase "I let you off last time", said in a hurt, regretful tone shred me into tiny little pieces.

Continue reading "The Repeat Offender" »

Posted by on 17 September 2007 at 02:51 AM in Haron, Musings, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

The Story-ness and the Remembering

Last week I was proofreading a news story for A. and remembered that I had a post here that I started several months ago but never finished. Now that I have my new laptop and have become a manic blogger again, it's time to dig up it up and finish it, especially as I really enjoyed what I remembered. Or rather, I enjoyed the remembering. The actual event remembered was not so enjoyable while it was happening. Indeed, it was rather painful.

Continue reading "The Story-ness and the Remembering" »

Posted by on 12 September 2007 at 11:05 PM in Musings, Natty, Slice of life | | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Out of Whack

M and I got back from Shadow Lane a little over a week ago, and I've had lots to think about since then.  I had a wonderful time there: saw lots of old friends, met some new ones, and got to play with people I like very much.  This hasn't always been my preferred (ahem) position at parties.  For a long time I only went to socialize; I didn't want to play with anyone other than my primary partner.  That has to do with an experience from a long time ago that did not happen at a party but colored my opinion about public play.

Anyway, I've changed my tune and now very much enjoy playing with a few people at parties.

Continue reading "Out of Whack" »

Posted by on 11 September 2007 at 10:08 PM in Iris, Musings, Slice of life, Travel | | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Navigating The Parent Trap

If it sounds like a rambling rant and looks like a rambling rant, it probably IS a rambling rant.

Now that you've been warned...

Chris and I are learning how our kink life and our family life fit together again. In April, he took a new job 350 miles from home, and went off to carve a new niche for us. A new home. Meanwhile, the princess and I stayed behind for awhile. It was crunch time for me professionally. The princess was in school and happy there. We had to get our house ready to put on the real estate market (yes, great timing, huh?). For 3 1/2 months we were together as a family only intermittently, and several of those times were in the midst of family gatherines, while traveling, and in less than optimal or normal circumstances.

In mid-July we packed up my car, the dog, Chris's truck, two car seats, ten boxes of toys and various other essentials and headed off. Our house is still for sale (surprise, surprise) so Chris had rented a condo for us that was big enough, but with no extra space. We had, like all couples just starting out or just starting over, a lot of catching up to do - and a lot of adjusting to do. All four of us - but especially Chris and I - have had to re-assess how and why we do what we do.

It’s been fantastic – but not necessarily easy.

Continue reading "Navigating The Parent Trap" »

Posted by on 21 August 2007 at 05:00 AM in Musings, sparkle | | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

Sleeping, Spice Drops and Ping Pong

Just a quick note before my embarrassing stuff, sparkle has a wonderful little entry over on her blog here and a (very hot) list of her rules and consequences here. 

So go read her stuff.

You're still here? 

Damn!

Okay, so I got spanked this morning.  Not just spanked, punished actually.  Why?  For going to bed very late (4:15am)  and then getting up very early  (6:45am). 

Details?  Okay...

Continue reading "Sleeping, Spice Drops and Ping Pong" »

Posted by on 17 August 2007 at 01:42 PM in Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Coming Out: I'm Not A Submissive

Yes, I'm still alive. And yes, Dave and I are still together, and still spankos. Now that we've gotten that out of the way ...

Recently we've been going though this sort of Relationship Identity Crisis, of sorts. Some of it has stemmed, I'm sure, from some insecurity about our future, and some of it has stemmed from the fact that he actively seeks out and spanks other girls -- which I've always been "ok" with, on the surface, but I'm somewhat bothered by in truth.

That said, I have a friend who is sort of my mentor in 'the scene,' and also one of my very best friends even though he lives very far away. We talk a lot and we've spoken about some of these issues and I told him, "Sometimes I feel like I'm not very submissive and it really makes me feel awful." That's when he really blew my mind ...

Continue reading "Coming Out: I'm Not A Submissive" »

Posted by on 07 August 2007 at 09:10 PM in Angie, Musings | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

You want to spank me with WHAT?

I've been trying to compose a detailed post catching everyone up on my life, but it's taking too much time and getting too long-winded.  So here's the update: M and I are back together.  And doing very well.  We are reincorporating discipline back into our relationship (though Chris still has disciplinary power too--now I have multiple tops watching me!).  And M has decided that he needs to spank me as close in time to my transgressions as possible.  Which means, given my living quarters, that we need a very quiet implement.

Sigh.  Show of hands: does anyone know what the quietest spanking implement in the world is?

Continue reading "You want to spank me with WHAT?" »

Posted by on 24 July 2007 at 12:24 AM in Implements, Iris, Slice of life | | Comments (44) | TrackBack (0)

Consentual Nonconsent and Other Issues of Equality

Over on "My Bottom Smarts" Bonnie asks the questions:

  1. Is it possible to be submissive and equal simultaneously?
  2. Does the fact that you submit to spanking negatively impact your standing in your relationship?
  3. Do you or your partner view you as the lesser member of the relationship, or are you equal in all things other than spanking?

Bonnie's answers are great -- I wasn't sure how much I had to add.  However, the issue of equality and inequality in discipline and punishment relationships comes up quite a bit so I thought maybe I could put a bit of a PB twist on the questions, so to speak.

Continue reading "Consentual Nonconsent and Other Issues of Equality" »

Posted by on 06 June 2007 at 03:59 PM in FAQ, Feminism, Mija, Musings | | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

Finding Your Someone

Over on her lovely blog, Ruby Red posted the other day about the problem of finding the right person.  You know, not just a playmate and / or spanking friend (though we love those too), but a life partner. 

She writes:

I'm so damned picky. Even then, I'll meet someone in a moment of weakness and continue to meet with them until that moment of clarity that says, "He's totally wrong for you, dummy!"

Whether it's differences in politics, religion, familial ties... or if it's completely spanko-centric, there are a lot of reasons why people might be incompatible. It's not enough to share an interest in spanking. We all know how faceted the world o' spanking is... There's domestic discipline, roleplaying, erotic, bondage, BDSM, hardcore spanking, light spanking, good girl, daddy/daughter, M/F, F/F, F/M, M/M... there's spanking for fun, spanking for punishment, spanking for the hell of it. There's costume choices, implement purchases...decisions, decisions, decisions! It's all about finding the partner that comes closest to what you're actually interested in.

Ruby isn't the only one to bring this up -- we get email from a lot of women (and men!) looking for partners.  I know some of us have mentioned stuff in passing, but the question of how one gets into a relationship with discipline / punishment is maybe worth addressing in an entry of its own.

(Besides, I'm having trouble getting my comments to stick on blogger today.)

Continue reading "Finding Your Someone" »

Posted by on 15 May 2007 at 04:20 PM in FAQ, Mija, Musings | | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

SCAM Artist Alert OR I Feel So Dirty!

A year or so ago "Katie Spades" wrote to the Punishment Book authors telling us how much she liked the PB (including some dreck on us having "inspired" her and her partner) and asked us to link to her as she was starting a career as a spanking model.

Now we never do the "I'll link to you if you link to me" thing but a couple of PB writers liked the blog and said they were following it (that's always our criteria).  So a link to her blog went onto our sidebar (no  need to check, it's gone).

Today one of the other authors sent me this link from the A.S.S. blog.

Apparently Katie's been scamming us all.

(Katie: from the quoted beer.com podcast)
Here was the deal, like I wanted to make money. And to get a name for myself, but I wasn't quite sure how to do it, and I didn't want to go like straight up porn. So I looked around... and I saw the, well it's like this little community, the spanking industry... and for the most part... I mean there are a couple of pretty models... but for the most part there aren't many. So I looked at it as like okay, here is an easy way jump to the top of an industry like that, because I can totally take it over with the way I look. So I decided to do that.

I haven't actually listened to the whole podcast yet --I'm at work-- but I've heard enough.   A friend had pointed me to her "SAVE KATIE" campaign which was raising money to supposedly off-set expenses brought on by an "illness." The interview doesn't seem to mention that, but there's no reason to think that's true either.

As my grandfather would have said, what a piece of work! My sympathies especially go out to the kindhearted folks who were taken in by her "SAVE KATIE" scam to get money out of the community for help during her  supposed "illness."

Feh!

PS: Sending even more love out to the real models in our scene. You're 100X more fun to watch anyway.

Posted by on 08 May 2007 at 12:06 PM in About the PB, Mija, Surreal, Weblogs | | Comments (26) | TrackBack (0)

Examining My Conscience

quia peccavi
nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere:
mea culpa,
mea culpa,
mea maxima culpa.

(Okay, this starts out like an account of a play scene, but isn't. If you're looking for that you're going to be disappointed.  Fair warning)

Here I'm going to digress just a little bit.  I'm Roman Catholic -- have been since birth.  My first 13 years of education were in Catholic schools, mostly taught by nuns.  In my own weird way I'm quite religious.  I'm not very spiritual however -- in fact I have almost no faith in God.  It's the ritual that attracts and comforts me.  I've been away from the Church for a while -- the typical lapsed Catholic. There are a number of reasons I've absented myself -- disagreement with RC politics and my own personal choices (marrying after a divorce and outside the Church being chief among them).  Being away and not attending Mass or joining my local parish have been my doing and I mostly don't feel inclined to return.  But right now it's May and the roses are blooming.  There are alters to Mary all around. 

Right now I miss my religion*.

Continue reading "Examining My Conscience" »

Posted by on 05 May 2007 at 01:21 PM in Discipline, Fantasy, Mija, Musings | | Comments (17) | TrackBack (0)

Soap or Lines?

A. has developed this new affinity for including soap in any punishment he delivers over the phone -- much to my consternation (though, thankfully he hasn't been savvy enough to make sure the bar is wet or that I bite down on it, so it basically just gets on my lips, but still...).

When I whined about it this evening, he told me I should just be grateful I wasn't getting lines.

"Uh, I think I'd rather go with the lines," I grumbled while wiping my lips yet again.

Not that I really get to do any picking, but my question for you all would be to ask what you would pick: soap or lines?

Posted by on 24 April 2007 at 11:04 PM in Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (38) | TrackBack (0)

A Little More Discipline

So, on my personal blog I told the scary tale of bad bad buggery that made me very sick for a few weeks. For the first couple of those weeks I was too sick to do anything remotely naughty. But after awhile, I found myself feeling very cranky. My inner ten-year old had had just about enough of the whole staying in bed thing. Trouble was, I still wasn't healthy enough to really get out of bed much. Which just made me crankier, and yet, really wanting a spanking.

Most of you are familiar with that feeling of being annoyed by just about everything and wanting to bitch about it all (and maybe even doing so) but when all is said and done, you'd really rather just get a nice, long spanking -- though you'd probably be irritated if it was offered (or told that's what you were getting). 

I was feeling that big time.

Continue reading "A Little More Discipline" »

Posted by on 21 April 2007 at 05:29 PM in Discipline, Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

The Power of the Book

W. and I have a book, in which we have been writing down the various rules and "systems" we've been trying to set up, in which we record punishments, where the lines parts write are kept, and where we keep notes of what works, what doesn't, and why.

I guess you would call it our personal "punishment book."

Continue reading "The Power of the Book" »

Posted by on 20 April 2007 at 10:11 AM in Dyke Grrl, Musings, Rules | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Upping the Ante

Most of us have inner children.  Some of us have inner teenagers.  With dissociative identity disorder (D.I.D.), those inner teenagers are a little more complicated to deal with.  They are more than that impulse inside, where someone can have a feeling, recognize it, and do something to make that feeling resolve, while still understanding the world in adult terms.  So when my inner 14 year old is active, she has all the reasoning and coping skills of an actual 14 year old.  You might think this would be challenging, and it is.  Or, as W. would say, "Boy, howdy."

Continue reading "Upping the Ante" »

Posted by on 01 April 2007 at 08:18 AM in Dyke Grrl, Musings, Slice of life | | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

A Nail-Biting Story

Last night I caught myself chewing my nails. I haven't done it since I was about - oh, six or so - and decided that coming back to the habit twenty years later wasn't something I wanted.

"Uh-oh," I said to Abel, with my mouth full of nail. "I think, I need a beating."

This is exactly the sort of matter where any initiative from Abel would have been firstly, impossible, secondly unwelcome: if he had seen me nibble on the nail, and forbidden me to do it under the threat of a punishment, he would have been invited to take a hike. However, helping me with an issue that I brought to his attention myself is a sort of husbandly duty. (The poor guy is so exploited.)

He sat on the bed, bent me over his lap and tugged down my knickers, and gave me a few experimental swats with his hand.

"Ouch," he said. "This hurts."

Continue reading "A Nail-Biting Story" »

Posted by on 26 March 2007 at 07:59 AM in Haron, Slice of life | | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

Safewords: In Answer to Bonnie's Brunch Question

Every Sunday on her blog "My Bottom Smarts" Bonnie asks a Brunch question and invites her readers to post their replies. This week her question was about safewords. I started to reply there, but my response got so long that I realized it was a blog entry in and of itself.

Bonnie's question:

There are a variety of opinions about safewords. Many spankos believe they are absolutely indispensible and spanking without one is hazardous. On the opposite side, other spankos claim that invoking a safeword constitutes "topping from the bottom." From this perspective, granting control to the spankee during a discipline session interferes with the lesson being delivered. Between these two divergent views, there are many shades of grey.

Do you and your partner employ a safeword? If so, how and when is it used? If not, why not?

My response is going to be after the break, but I also want to invite everyone to offer their own opinion. As you may have guessed from our other entries, the authors here don't tend to hold with the idea of there being such a thing as "One Trew Way."

Continue reading "Safewords: In Answer to Bonnie's Brunch Question" »

Posted by on 12 March 2007 at 02:00 AM in FAQ, Mija, Musings | | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

Limit Testing

Right.  So the other day I said things were getting "back to normal."

They are getting back to normal, but with some bumps.  I wrote about the first day on el tercer ojo (my blog).  My plan was/is to blog each day this month about how things are going.  But of course I'm already two days behind.  This too was supposed to be written up yesterday, but again, I've fallen behind.

What I've realized though is that being away from things -- my work, spanking, uniforms and accountability in general -- has made it a little difficult for me just to step back into life as a disciplined girl (or woman, whatever).

As it says on my blog, the first day went pretty well.  I didn't get any work done, but Pab and I had already talked about that and decided I didn't need to start my school work yet.  Everything else got done that day and the bedtime spanking was a sweet good girl one that hurt, but not too much.  I went to bed feeling very smug.  Clearly we have this discipline relationship thing down, right?  And can slide back into this like a pair of comfy jeans.  Right.

Tuesday?  Not good.

Continue reading "Limit Testing" »

Posted by on 08 March 2007 at 12:07 PM in Mija, Musings, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Moving Back to Normal

Or at least we're getting back to whatever passes for normal in our house. 

In early December I had abdominal surgery that required longish incisions on my stomach.  The recovery was painful -- more-so then I expected -- despite some really really good drugs*.  The surgeon had to cut through and reconnect muscle and resew my skin together.  I was uncomfortable and needed (and got) a great deal of TLC while I was healing.

In many respects recovery wasn't fun, though I did get some really nice gifts and cards from friends and family.  However, my healing did function as a "Get out of spanking free" card.  Oh and a get out of research and writing too.

Apparently, that card has been played for the last time this month.

Continue reading "Moving Back to Normal" »

Posted by on 05 March 2007 at 12:50 PM in Discipline, Health, Mija, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

What's the difference?

I've been reading lots of posts lately, from Haron, from Mija, from Ree, and from Chris, and I've been wondering:

What makes a punishment a punishment?

Continue reading "What's the difference?" »

Posted by on 13 February 2007 at 09:38 PM in FAQ, Iris, Musings | | Comments (17) | TrackBack (0)

10 Years Ago Today on alt.sex.spanking

I delurked with a story and a very few details about myself, given the name Mija by Bea, who, at the time, was a regular poster.  Usenet was very mysterious to me, as Ron McIngle discovered to his pain as he tried to explain to me where I was and how I got there.  I didn't have web access -- I'd found alt.sex.spanking via crosspostings from a Los Angeles personals newsgroup.  The spam was very heavy -- probably at least 95% of the group's content at the time.  But the community, in the midst of planning the creation of this group, shone through.  That it existed at all seemed more amazing then I could bear.

At the time I was 29, in the middle of the first year of my MA program and floundering in an unhappy marriage that had taken my 20s and left me feeling far older than I was.  My (now) ex husband saw my interest in spanking as "outside any idea" he could have about me.  I'd buried my desires deep, only to have them reappear, triggered by writings of feminist Dorothy Allison.

Continue reading "10 Years Ago Today on alt.sex.spanking" »

Posted by on 13 February 2007 at 01:22 PM in Mija, Musings, Slice of life, Web/Tech | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Fitting the punishment in

One of the things I noticed about working for yourself is that you never have enough time. For anything. Even for most of your work. Everything needs to be extensively planned, squeezed into the calendar, finished in too little time, crossed off the to-do list.

This seems to include punishment. Unless it's planned ahead, or cramped into a tiny pocked of the day when neither Abel nor I happen to be running mental circles around our tasks - it's not going to happen. Luckily, we've got pretty good at finding time for things like that - eventually, after much putting-off - but it has also come to mean that I'm losing any ability to worry about a punishment much beforehand - or else I'd spend days and weeks waiting for a snatched moment, fretting.

A few weeks ago Abel woke me up before going off to catch a train, and informed me I was in for it: I had let the credit on the gas meter run out again. (We are old enemies, that gas meter and I.) I sighed, and agreed, and fell back asleep until my alarm clock went, and then there was work, and more work, and over the next few days we remembered a punishment was supposed to happen, but we failed to find that small shred of time and aloneness that would make it possible.

Continue reading "Fitting the punishment in" »

Posted by on 04 February 2007 at 02:32 PM in Haron, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Kinks in My Punishment Kink: The Bad Girl

As I return to my punishment kink, I'm running into a problem that's been there since I first started getting spanked as an adult: getting punished. Yes, I know. Getting punished is sorta the point, right? And a part of me really likes the getting punished part -- or at least the before and after. But for another part of me it feels profoundly unhealthy as it heightens my primeval fear of being bad.

Continue reading "Kinks in My Punishment Kink: The Bad Girl" »

Posted by on 21 January 2007 at 07:06 PM in Musings, Natty | | Comments (24) | TrackBack (0)

Be careful what you wish for

It seems like only yesterday that I was posting here about desperately needing to be spanked.  So given the title of this post, guess what I'm writing about today? 

Yep, I've been spanked.  Several times, actually, and not fun ones either.  Serious punishments.

But if you've been paying attention in the last few months, your next question might well be, "Who could have punished Iris, given the fact that she's no longer in a disciplinary relationship?"  Or perhaps, "Who could have punished that sweet angel Iris?--she's absolutely delightful!"  Or maybe not.  :-D

Continue reading "Be careful what you wish for" »

Posted by on 10 January 2007 at 09:07 PM in Iris, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (20) | TrackBack (0)

Myriad of emotions

Punishments often come with a myriad of emotions. Frustration. Ambivalence. Fear. Intimacy. Love.

Tuesday's punishment for several days of missing my bedtime included all of those. A. had told me the night before he was going to sort me out the next day, and I woke up Tuesday with that familiar mixture of excitement and fear. But also a great deal of ambivalence.

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Posted by on 21 December 2006 at 08:51 PM in Natty, Slice of life | | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

What now?

Have you ever felt like you just had to be spanked or you would burst?  Like you wanted to fling yourself over the lap of the nearest toppy person (creepy neighbors excluded) and beg them to spank you soundly?  Or like you wanted to throw a tantrum in the middle of the street just so that someone would grab your ear and drag you off to be spanked?

Um, I have.

Continue reading "What now?" »

Posted by on 14 December 2006 at 08:45 AM in Fantasy, Iris, Musings | | Comments (31) | TrackBack (0)

Want vs. Need

W. and I had a long conversation tonight; one of the main topics was me trying to express how I need more structured rules in my life, with both punishment and rewards as part of the system.  And as I was talking about the areas where I particularly need help, I had to wonder: am I really, seriously asking to be punished for these things?  Do I want to be punished for things I'm nearly certain to do (or, more to the point, do I want to be punished for not doing things I'm nearly certain not to do)?

And the answer is, "No, of course I don't WANT to be punished for these things."

Which leads to the next question: will punishments work to help me change my behaviors?  And there, I think, is the answer.

Continue reading "Want vs. Need" »

Posted by on 12 December 2006 at 10:24 PM in Dyke Grrl, Musings | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

Kinks in My Punishment Kink: The Feminist Question

As I've mentioned a few times both here and on my personal blog, this last year found me struggling a great deal with my punishment kink. Some of the concerns have been lingering beneath the surface since I first started exploring my spanking fetish. Others have developed more recently. In the end, however, it all came down to four little words: but I miss it. There's a certain buzz I get from the profound vulnerability that comes with the punishment kink and the intimacy that vulnerability produces is nothing less than amazing.

I started chipping away at all these issues in one post but eventually realized that, even if I managed to write said post (which kept feeling more and more unwieldly), nobody would ever actually read it because it would be too damn long. ;) So, I finally decided that it would be more manageable to write and read if I broke it up into a series of posts.

The first issue is one that has been a more recent question as the beginning of the year found me connecting with my inner Appalled Feminist.

Continue reading "Kinks in My Punishment Kink: The Feminist Question" »

Posted by on 01 December 2006 at 03:36 PM in Feminism, Musings, Natty | | Comments (61) | TrackBack (0)

Spanko Calendar

I was just researching dates for a rather unusual calendar that I'm giving someone for Christmas (you can personalize it with anything you want) and I discovered some dates for 2007 that might be of general interest to this group.

February 10: National (International?) Plimsoll Day  --  And I know just how to celebrate!

April 30 (USA): National Spank Out Day  --  No idea what this is, but it sounds delightful.  It also happens to be National Honesty Day, which might not be as good for some people.

These are the ones I found so far.  Anyone else have any fun ones to add?

Posted by on 27 November 2006 at 10:15 PM in Iris, Musings, Surreal | | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

I hate wooden spoons

The tops of my thighs are quite stingy at the moment. Especially with my sweats rubbing against them. Or rather, with my sweats rubbing against my pajama bottoms rubbing against them.

Wooden spoons really are evil. As are drafty apartments.

Continue reading "I hate wooden spoons" »

Posted by on 21 November 2006 at 08:48 PM in Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Gimme an inch...

So, um, I posted last week about how I've got a bed time now. And that I get a reprieve for Saturday nights.

Well, last night was Saturday night so I knew I could stay up to watch Saturday Night Live provided that I was in bed by midnight. And I sorta watched SNL. I mean, it was on in the background. While I talked on the phone. Until about 12:55 am. And while I was sitting on my bed, I wasn't exactly in bed (whoever knew that prepositions could be so important?). Or even ready for bed. Indeed, I didn't actually make it into bed with the lights out until 1:15 am.

"Right. I have to have a think about your punishment," A. said to me tonight on the phone with that stern, British accent of his.

So tonight I'll be going to bed at 12 am sharp. And wondering about what my punishment is going to be.

Gulp.

Posted by on 19 November 2006 at 10:35 PM in Natty, Rules, Slice of life | | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Ramped Up

Last Saturday, I got my first spanking in months.  Well, "I" in a slightly loose sense of the word.

Continue reading "Ramped Up" »

Posted by on 17 November 2006 at 07:48 PM in Dyke Grrl | | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

A Different Kind of Post

I've been debating about whether or not to write this post for several weeks, but I've decided that I think it could be both really good for conversation and really good for me to write out.  So here it is.

After more than two years of being in a relationship that included discipline, I now find myself without it.  Without discipline and without the relationship, that is.  (And actually, I moved into my relationship with M from another one that incorporated discipline, so I guess that means it's been about three and a half years since I've been on my own in that sense.)  Aside from the normal gut-wrenching, soul-piercing pain that accompanies any break up, I'm also dealing with the loss of any practical application of discipline in my life.  At this point I'm still dealing with a lot of the initial grief and the loss of discipline feels kind of minor.  But it's starting to raise its head in small ways.

Continue reading "A Different Kind of Post" »

Posted by on 16 November 2006 at 11:07 PM in Discipline, Iris, Slice of life | | Comments (15) | TrackBack (0)

Broil It

I did something really stupid last night. It was inexcusable, particularly in our house. That being said, I had a terrible headache (i.e. edging to a migraine) which to this moment in time hasn't gone away completely.

What did I do? Put a slab of London broil on the boiler, put it in the oven, set the oven to low, and went and sat down on the couch with the princess. She climbed up on my lap and we got all cuddly and watched Scooby-Doo.

And I fell asleep.

I woke up to the smoke detector blaring at full volume.

Continue reading "Broil It" »

Posted by on 14 November 2006 at 12:03 PM in Slice of life, sparkle | | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

Over the Knee

Overtheknee_fIt's been almost ten years since I delurked on alt.sex.spanking.  This past month, sparkle's husband Chris wrote a bit about delurking and the effect it's had on his life, mostly in terms of people he's met on-line and off.  This blog, of course, is an example of wonderful connections we've made.  Generally I forget that I've been around for a while (and likewise I forget that I'm getting old) and therefore I've been fortunate enough to have met a lot of very kewl people in this scene.

But I had another "wow, I know some people who are famous" moment recently.  Maybe my most profound one.  So pardon me while I brag on a friend.

You see, a dear friend, Fiona Locke, has a novel that's just been published this week.  It's called Over the Knee and it has clearly been written by someone very into our scene for people like me (and you too if you read and like this site).  Yes, I know someone who's written and published a real, on-paper spanking book.

But that wasn't all.  I mean, I've met and chatted with a few other spanking authors (Eve Howard and Devlin O'Neill) at Shadow Lane parties and some other BDSM / kink writers like Miranda Austin and Janet Hardy from the newsgroup.  In the case of Fiona's book though, I know the person who took the picture on the book's cover.  I know both the spanker and the spankee in the picture (okay, so it's Fiona and her partner, but how often do you know of an author posing for the cover image?).  And I know (and live with) the person who built her website.  Although I contributed nothing to the success of this venture, I still feel so excited about it.

Besides, as great as reading stories online is, isn't there something especially wonderful about having a book about spanking in your hands?


Continue reading "Over the Knee" »

Posted by on 12 November 2006 at 11:18 PM in Books, Mija, Slice of life | | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

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