W. and I have a book, in which we have been writing down the various rules and "systems" we've been trying to set up, in which we record punishments, where the lines parts write are kept, and where we keep notes of what works, what doesn't, and why.
I guess you would call it our personal "punishment book."
Posted by dykegrrl on 20 April 2007 at 10:11 AM in Dyke Grrl, Musings, Rules | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
Most of us have inner children. Some of us have inner teenagers. With dissociative identity disorder (D.I.D.), those inner teenagers are a little more complicated to deal with. They are more than that impulse inside, where someone can have a feeling, recognize it, and do something to make that feeling resolve, while still understanding the world in adult terms. So when my inner 14 year old is active, she has all the reasoning and coping skills of an actual 14 year old. You might think this would be challenging, and it is. Or, as W. would say, "Boy, howdy."
Posted by dykegrrl on 01 April 2007 at 08:18 AM in Dyke Grrl, Musings, Slice of life | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
Every Sunday on her blog "My Bottom Smarts" Bonnie asks a Brunch question and invites her readers to post their replies. This week her question was about safewords. I started to reply there, but my response got so long that I realized it was a blog entry in and of itself.
Bonnie's question:
There are a variety of opinions about safewords. Many spankos believe they are absolutely indispensible and spanking without one is hazardous. On the opposite side, other spankos claim that invoking a safeword constitutes "topping from the bottom." From this perspective, granting control to the spankee during a discipline session interferes with the lesson being delivered. Between these two divergent views, there are many shades of grey.
Do you and your partner employ a safeword? If so, how and when is it used? If not, why not?
My response is going to be after the break, but I also want to invite everyone to offer their own opinion. As you may have guessed from our other entries, the authors here don't tend to hold with the idea of there being such a thing as "One Trew Way."
Continue reading "Safewords: In Answer to Bonnie's Brunch Question" »
Posted by Mija on 12 March 2007 at 02:00 AM in FAQ, Mija, Musings | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
Right. So the other day I said things were getting "back to normal."
They are getting back to normal, but with some bumps. I wrote about the first day on el tercer ojo (my blog). My plan was/is to blog each day this month about how things are going. But of course I'm already two days behind. This too was supposed to be written up yesterday, but again, I've fallen behind.
What I've realized though is that being away from things -- my work, spanking, uniforms and accountability in general -- has made it a little difficult for me just to step back into life as a disciplined girl (or woman, whatever).
As it says on my blog, the first day went pretty well. I didn't get any work done, but Pab and I had already talked about that and decided I didn't need to start my school work yet. Everything else got done that day and the bedtime spanking was a sweet good girl one that hurt, but not too much. I went to bed feeling very smug. Clearly we have this discipline relationship thing down, right? And can slide back into this like a pair of comfy jeans. Right.
Tuesday? Not good.
Posted by Mija on 08 March 2007 at 12:07 PM in Mija, Musings, Rules, Slice of life | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by iris_731 on 13 February 2007 at 09:38 PM in FAQ, Iris, Musings | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBack (0)
I delurked with a story and a very few details about myself, given the name Mija by Bea, who, at the time, was a regular poster. Usenet was very mysterious to me, as Ron McIngle discovered to his pain as he tried to explain to me where I was and how I got there. I didn't have web access -- I'd found alt.sex.spanking via crosspostings from a Los Angeles personals newsgroup. The spam was very heavy -- probably at least 95% of the group's content at the time. But the community, in the midst of planning the creation of this group, shone through. That it existed at all seemed more amazing then I could bear.
At the time I was 29, in the middle of the first year of my MA program and floundering in an unhappy marriage that had taken my 20s and left me feeling far older than I was. My (now) ex husband saw my interest in spanking as "outside any idea" he could have about me. I'd buried my desires deep, only to have them reappear, triggered by writings of feminist Dorothy Allison.
Posted by Mija on 13 February 2007 at 01:22 PM in Mija, Musings, Slice of life, Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
As I return to my punishment kink, I'm running into a problem that's been there since I first started getting spanked as an adult: getting punished. Yes, I know. Getting punished is sorta the point, right? And a part of me really likes the getting punished part -- or at least the before and after. But for another part of me it feels profoundly unhealthy as it heightens my primeval fear of being bad.
Continue reading "Kinks in My Punishment Kink: The Bad Girl" »
Posted by Natty on 21 January 2007 at 07:06 PM in Musings, Natty | Permalink | Comments (24) | TrackBack (0)
Have you ever felt like you just had to be spanked or you would burst? Like you wanted to fling yourself over the lap of the nearest toppy person (creepy neighbors excluded) and beg them to spank you soundly? Or like you wanted to throw a tantrum in the middle of the street just so that someone would grab your ear and drag you off to be spanked?
Um, I have.
Posted by iris_731 on 14 December 2006 at 08:45 AM in Fantasy, Iris, Musings | Permalink | Comments (31) | TrackBack (0)
W. and I had a long conversation tonight; one of the main topics was me trying to express how I need more structured rules in my life, with both punishment and rewards as part of the system. And as I was talking about the areas where I particularly need help, I had to wonder: am I really, seriously asking to be punished for these things? Do I want to be punished for things I'm nearly certain to do (or, more to the point, do I want to be punished for not doing things I'm nearly certain not to do)?
And the answer is, "No, of course I don't WANT to be punished for these things."
Which leads to the next question: will punishments work to help me change my behaviors? And there, I think, is the answer.
Posted by dykegrrl on 12 December 2006 at 10:24 PM in Dyke Grrl, Musings | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
As I've mentioned a few times both here and on my personal blog, this last year found me struggling a great deal with my punishment kink. Some of the concerns have been lingering beneath the surface since I first started exploring my spanking fetish. Others have developed more recently. In the end, however, it all came down to four little words: but I miss it. There's a certain buzz I get from the profound vulnerability that comes with the punishment kink and the intimacy that vulnerability produces is nothing less than amazing.
I started chipping away at all these issues in one post but eventually realized that, even if I managed to write said post (which kept feeling more and more unwieldly), nobody would ever actually read it because it would be too damn long. ;) So, I finally decided that it would be more manageable to write and read if I broke it up into a series of posts.
The first issue is one that has been a more recent question as the beginning of the year found me connecting with my inner Appalled Feminist.
Continue reading "Kinks in My Punishment Kink: The Feminist Question" »
Posted by Natty on 01 December 2006 at 03:36 PM in Feminism, Musings, Natty | Permalink | Comments (61) | TrackBack (0)
I was just researching dates for a rather unusual calendar that I'm giving someone for Christmas (you can personalize it with anything you want) and I discovered some dates for 2007 that might be of general interest to this group.
February 10: National (International?) Plimsoll Day -- And I know just how to celebrate!
April 30 (USA): National Spank Out Day -- No idea what this is, but it sounds delightful. It also happens to be National Honesty Day, which might not be as good for some people.
These are the ones I found so far. Anyone else have any fun ones to add?
Posted by iris_731 on 27 November 2006 at 10:15 PM in Iris, Musings, Surreal | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
Sometimes, the title is the hardest part. I wrote this post over at Breathing In and Breathing Out. It's about the intersection between being a survivor of childhood abuse and the role of discipline/spanking in my adult life.
I had wondered whether I should post it here, or on my own blog, and decided to put it there because it's not entirely on-topic, or something like that. I guess it was the easiest way to break through my difficulties with writing, by having a space where I felt less of an obligation to offer at least slightly polished prose.
But when Natty commented that she also thought it might fit over here, I figured that perhaps it was less off-topic than I'd feared, so I thought I'd mention it.
Posted by dykegrrl on 19 October 2006 at 12:01 AM in Dyke Grrl, Musings | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
I've been intending to write something about the way things are in our house since September (since we got back from Shadow Lane). I did write this and Pab wrote his response, but that was before things in our house really started.
Right after that, well, we started talking about the way things would be while I got some much needed work (meaning writing on my thesis) done.
It (I'll explain more about it as we go) started the first week in September. It's been just over a month now and things have gone pretty well. As of this afternoon a chapter of my thesis that didn't exist at all on September 5 now has 32 pages.
And today, well my bottom is currently so sore that sitting is painful. Which gets to why I'm finally writing about this. You see, today was not an easy day.
Continue reading "Thirty-Two Pages OR The Shadow Lane Knock-On Effect" »
Posted by Mija on 06 October 2006 at 05:36 PM in Mija, Musings, Slice of life, Travel | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Last Thursday, we went to the beach. By 'we', I mean Mija, Iris, the princess and I. (I'm including Mija and Iris because they've already identified themselves as my companions in comments to Chris's discussion of this incident.) I had lots of fun, but we were outside for 3 1/2 hours in the middle of the day.
And when it was over, my back was burnt. Pretty badly. Chris even posted a picture of it.
To be honest, I didn't dream it would be a spankable offense. I mentioned it to Chris later when he met us for dinner, and was almost immediately informed otherwise.
Posted by sparkle on 05 September 2006 at 06:08 PM in Musings, Slice of life, sparkle | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
Chris thought I was being mouthy earlier. Personally, I think he received rather more of an education that I actually intended at ShadowLane, but that's a rather different entry than the one I'm composing just now. In any event, he pulled out the new 'nanny paddle' he bought from The Lon
don Tanners, settled the princess on the bed watching Scooby-Doo, and suggested we retire to the family room (50 feet away with a closed door between us) for a few minutes to deal with the problem, so as to not have to worry about it later when we wanted to play.
Posted by sparkle on 29 August 2006 at 11:01 PM in Musings, sparkle | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)
Prompted by an overheard phone conversation at Shadow Lane's fall 2006 party.
Okay, so part of what's triggering this entry my classic anxiety about what Pablo could possibly get out of the disciplinary end of our relationship. I mean, it seems to me like work he's having to do keeping me from drifting off onto circular or self-destructive paths. When we've talked about it before he's generally made a bit of a joke in his dry English way, answering that what he gets out of it is "a quiet life."
It's a cute comment but didn't really tell me much. Not what this bit of eavesdropping and subsequent conversation (with me, not eavesdropping) did.
Posted by Mija on 29 August 2006 at 04:40 PM in Discipline, Mija, Musings | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBack (1)
So I'm en route from Minnesota to California, currently in the great state of Utah. Even though my mom and I are mostly occupied with talking to each other, listening to Harry Potter on tape, and seeing lots of beautiful scenery, I still have a bunch of time to think. And I've been thinking. Lately, I've been thinking about the difference between punishments that are the you-earned-this kind and punishments that are the you-are-NEVER-going-to-do-this-again kind.
Posted by iris_731 on 29 June 2006 at 09:52 PM in Discipline, Iris, Musings | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBack (0)
I've been thinking a bit lately about trust and the role it plays in a disciplinary relationship. Obviously you have to trust a disciplinarian with basic things like safety and consent, but there are other issues that go along with it. Discipline is a very deep thing for me--much deeper than (though linked to) sex. In my pre-M days, I used to muse about whether I'd find a vanilla partner and how I'd convert them. I even dated a few people without telling them about my need for spanking at all, and these were people with whom I was sexually active. I was willing to have sex with them, but not to let them spank me. Sex is a less intimate activity for me than spanking, and MUCH less intimate than discipline. To have sex with someone I only have to be attracted to them and aroused--and trust them. But to allow someone to spank me, especially for punishment, means that I am handing them my whole self in a little ball and asking them to be careful with it, please.
The other part of these trust musings has to do with my vanilla friends and family. Of all the people I know in the world, maybe 10% know about my spanking side. And outside of others in the scene, NO ONE knows about the discipline part. Not one. Not my best friend who knows about Shadow Lane and asks about it, not my sister, no one. Which means there's a whole other layer of trust around punishment spankings. Somehow it's ok if they think I do this for sex, but not ok if they know I do this for real things.
I'm not sure there's a point to this, I've just been thinking about it. Anyone else have thoughts?
Posted by iris_731 on 23 May 2006 at 06:47 PM in FAQ, Iris, Musings | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
At the risk of sounding redundant, I'll begin my post like Dyke Grrl and say how tickled I am to be asked to join the outstanding group of women who founded the Punishment Book. It's both an honor and a joy, since there are so few venues for intelligent conversation about what we do. Thank you all for the invitation.
Now. On to introductions. First, the stats: I'm in my late 20s, currently living in Minnesota, days (hours!) away from receiving my graduate degree, and getting ready to move to Los Angeles. I'm a Midwestern girl, born and raised, so California will be a whole new adventure. While I'll admit I'm not terribly fond of LA or Southern California, there are some people there I like very much--one in particular. M and I have been dating for something like two years (depends on if you count from when we started dating or when we met), and it's going to be wonderful to be in the same metropolitan area. We're going to be able to have dinner together and not have to plan it several months in advance! :-)
Enough of the vanilla details. I've been into spanking just about as long as I can remember. The spines of many of my childhood books are creased at the parts where spanking occurs (M is always amazed when we come across books in stores and I can flip quickly to a spanking scene). Fast foward 15 years to college, where I convinced my vanilla boyfriend to spank me as foreplay. In retrospect I realize that he took to it like a duck to water, but I was always self-conscious and sure that I was the only one who got anything out of it.
After college I moved to Chicago where I discovered Crimson Moon and began to realize that my kink was not only normal, it was something to celebrate! Yet I still had these nagging thoughts about discipline: I fantasized about it, wondered about it, craved it. I entered into a wonderful relationship with Yoni and Tasha, who are now the owners of Bum Rap. Yoni helped me start to understand my need for discipline and let me see that I could have it in an adult relationship and it didn't make me less mature or adult--it's just part of who I am. (I still struggle with that sometimes; see below.)
And THEN I met M, which brings me to now. How and where does discipline fit in my life at this point? For one, I'm still discovering that it's much different in a relationship than in my head. And it's very different in a long-distance relationship than in a regular, close-by one. M and I are negotiating what it looks like for us. He has been in the scene for a number of years but always swore he would only spank for pleasure. As has been noted by some people, though, I could convert Gandhi into a disciplinarian. :-D And M is adjusting to his role as top remarkably well.
At the heart of it all for me is a need for security. Parts of my growing up were really unstable and full of tension and I think I crave stability, security, and forgiveness. When a spanking is over, it's over. I've been held accountable, punished, and forgiven. There's also the knowledge that someone is watching out for me, which means that my behavior and my Self matter to someone, that they care what I do and what happens to me.
And there's something else, something intangible that I can't quite explain. Every once in a while I need a big spanking "to clear out all the cobwebs," M says. The daily stuff of life accumulates and I need to sweep it all out. These are different from regular punishment spankings, which are for one specific issue (sometimes more), but they're the same in terms of the effect they have on me. I feel lighter, clearer, and very very loved. It's still one of the hardest things to admit to myself, that I need to be spanked. If anyone else has thoughts on this, I'd welcome discussion.
So that's mostly about me. My mushy, end-of-semester brain will probably think of more to add as soon as I post this, but I do want to get something up by way of introduction.
Warm blessings!
Posted by iris_731 on 18 May 2006 at 04:47 PM in About the PB, Iris, Musings | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)
Okay, so who am I? Well, hm. On my blog, I describe myself as a happily partnered lesbian/dyke spanko. This is true. I also describe myself as a grad student and aspiring housewife. These things are also true. Of course, there's much more to it than that.
In terms of the Punishment Book, perhaps I should start by talking about the role that discipline plays in my life and relationship. This is a complicated subject. I've been a spanko for probably all of my life, and for virtually all of the time we've been together, W. (my partner) and I have used spankings for role-play and foreplay and, you know, play.
Posted by dykegrrl on 18 May 2006 at 02:18 PM in About the PB, Dyke Grrl, Musings | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Note: there is a spoiler in this about the movie "V For Vendetta." If you haven't seen it and are planning to do so, you might want to skip this posting.
Posted by Mija on 12 May 2006 at 07:29 PM in Film, Mija, Musings | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
I'm cross-posting here an excerpt from an entry in my personal blog because it explains, in part, how I became interested in exploring the punishment. I originally thought about expanding this into a longer treatise on why and how very, very different sensual/play spankings are from punishment for me, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
We got together with friends in the spanking scene [last] Saturday night. At one point, the discussion turned to why we all liked it - to how we got to where we are. Perhaps I've never said and perhaps I should later expand these thoughts into a more comprehensive essay, but I do crave structure and discipline and known consequences for misdeeds (all aside from my admittedly sluttish, erotic attraction to sensual spanking as a form of pleasure).
Here's why:
Posted by sparkle on 05 May 2006 at 01:51 AM in FAQ, Musings, sparkle | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
I feel odd writing this because it's something I want to discuss (hence the whole writing thing) and yet don't want to be pointing fingers or telling tales at someone else's expense.
So here's my attempt to have it both ways.
In the past couple weeks it's come to light that a popular blogger who wrote about spanking, her marriage and domestic discipline / punishment over the past several years has basically been creating an elaborate fiction. Though I didn't read her very often (and therefore the site wasn't linked from the Punishment Book) I'm on another list with some people who were very regular readers and feel upset / betrayed and all sorts of other negative feelings.
Posted by Mija on 21 April 2006 at 05:24 PM in Mija, Musings, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)
Someone (who can identify herself if she so desires) I met at Shadow Lane sent me a questionnaire to fill out. Although this wasn't completely about punishment, I thought it might be interesting to post it here. So here are the questions and my answers. Pablo also answered the questions and his answers are on his blog. I found it interesting that we had quite a bit of overlap without having talked to each other about this.
Then again, maybe it isn't too surprising.
Posted by Mija on 10 March 2006 at 04:05 PM in Education, FAQ, Mija, Musings | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
I haven't been around much since the holidays. Pablo and I were in the UK (which was great fun though very cold) and then when I got back I had some computer problems which seem to be mostly resolved.
Much of the time in the UK was spent seeing family (and happily some friends too). But we did have some time alone and some privacy too. Much more privacy than we had at home, thanks to the generosity of some dear (and delightfully kinky) friends who loaned us their fantastic home while they were away.
To mark both our anniversary (December 29) and the start of a new year Pablo and I talked about what we wanted to do for the coming year. Um, in terms of me and my goals. Obviously looking after me isn't a full time job.
No really, it isn't.
Posted by Mija on 08 February 2006 at 12:03 PM in Discipline, Mija, Musings, Rules | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
An acquaintance commented recently that while I have frequently described real-life scenes (play or punishment) and have shared them over the years in newsgroups, disguised as fictional writing, with friends and even in chatrooms with other spankos, I don't generally report or share in written form what happens in the hours after the scene. As my playtime with C is usually overtly sexual, it stands to reason that my scene descriptions would be so, too.
Not necessarily so.
Certainly my scene descriptions often allude to an underlying sexual agenda even if I don't address it directly. I don't (couldn't) deny the arousing aspects of play, or that I find certain types of kink extremely ... err ... exciting. I also can't deny that spanking, in and of itself, is both stimulating and painful.
I have several reasons for creating a proverbial 'line in the sand' while relating scenes for public consumption, whether for play or punishment.
Posted by sparkle on 25 January 2006 at 07:52 PM in Musings, sparkle, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
There's this immensely cool writer person called John Scalzi; I heard him speak about blogs at the last WorldCon, and have been blog-stalking him ever since.* It looks like one of his back entries has been hit by one of our, erm, friends of the God Says Man Is HoH ilk, and Scalzi refutes her with a persuasive list of reasons why, if one were drawn to choose a head of household, his wife would be more qualified for the title.
It was fun to read (because I take a lot of pleasure out of preachy HoH nuts having their empty wee heads slammed in), but it made me quite sad. It is an objective truth that in our family Abel is the competent person who knows who to call when the car breaks down, and such, and I'm an artistic soul in need of serious maintenance (which is just longhand for "incompetent").
Were I a man and Abel a woman, it would be quirky-cool for me to admit that she (Abel) should be appointed a head of household, because she (Abel) takes care of the practical side of our family life. But, being a woman, I simply can't afford to say this, because how many HoH nuts would file this away as another proof of inferiority of all that's female to all that's male? And when you add to it the fact that we're into spanking, and that I don't bring in any money other than from the sales of some porn stories - well, there would be no use for me to scream "But we don't *believe* in your HoH stuff, we're equals!" - I'd be forever written off as a Weak Female. And perhaps as a traitor to the feminist cause, as well.
My point? Being an incompetent, masochistic feminist is a lonely place.
--------------------------------------------
*Did you know I went to WorldCon in Glasgow? Well, I did. The move to the UK had been worth it just for a chance to go. It was full of writers like you wouldn't believe it; disturbingly, I had previously blog-stalked so many of the younger, cooler of them, that it felt like we should all be mates, but of course, that's what stalkers usually feel in their more delusional moments.**
**A few nights ago I dreamt that one of those writers, who is possibly the most handsome man I've ever seen off a TV screen, gave me a caning. I didn't feel a thing, as is usual in dreams, but I revel in the pleasure of dreaming about somebody so beautiful. It's really odd, because I don't normally go for traditionally handsome men, nor for the young ones.***
***Hi, Abel :)
Posted by Haron on 14 November 2005 at 12:15 PM in Books, Haron, Musings | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)
It seems that a lot of our musings about the discipline lifestyle have to do with reconciling fantasy and reality. May I gently shove you all in the direction of this fascinating post by DykeGrrl, where she explores the difference between spanking relationships in her various stories and her own life with her very real wife.
While you're at it, take the time to read about the poor girl's punishments in the surrounding posts; she does suffer so. :)
P.S. I do, in fact, have an actual punishment to tell you all about, but not before I do a lot more work than I've been doing in the last week. Stay tuned.
Posted by Haron on 30 August 2005 at 03:26 AM in Fantasy, Haron, Musings | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
When a girl hasn't been in trouble since forever, and when she spends most of her waking time buried between pages of rather dull academic volumes, her mind naturally turns to mischief.
At least mine does.
So I wonder. What would happen if I:
a) Got the new Harry Potter book
b) Waited just long enough that my friends in less advanced time-zones have their copies, but haven't got very far in
c) Sent around an email reading (in big, friendly letters): "OMG, have you got to the spanking scene yet?"
Do you think they'd tell?
Posted by Haron on 15 July 2005 at 09:34 AM in Books, Haron, Musings | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
My vanilla blog is part of the Progressive Christian Bloggers Network, a collection of blogs in which moral values influence our political and theological views in a rather left of center way. I love to wander among the various blogs in our blogroll as there is often a lot of great writing (and, yeah, some bad writing too), as well as a growing sense of community among those of us who often feel somewhat isolated in our conservative churches.
One of the blogs that I tend to click on often had a post reviewing some recent articles on sex written by Evangelicals, including an article on Domestic Discipline in which the blogger dismissed it as giving men the right to beat their wives.
I gulped. Sort of tensed up as if I'd been caught doing something naughty.
Continue reading "Bible Thumpers against Domestic Discipline" »
Posted by Natty on 19 May 2005 at 07:02 PM in Musings, Natty, Religion | Permalink | Comments (24) | TrackBack (0)
Is it still a discipline relationship when one isn't getting disciplined?
I will have you know that I haven't been punished since way back in February. I've been on the brink: had stern glares addressed at me, and frowns, and threats. But I've been good enough, and Abel generous enough, that there hasn't been a punishment.
And you know what?
Continue reading "It's never this quiet in spanking fiction" »
Posted by Haron on 03 May 2005 at 12:52 PM in Haron, Musings | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
I think we've all assumed that anyone reading this blog would know that when any of us get spanked, it is consensual. We have all explicitly made it known to our partners that we want them to discipline us (though "discipline" is probably defined differently by each of us). Indeed, we have all sought out partners with spanking kinks because we ourselves already had spanking kinks (or fetishes, or whatever word you want to call it). We *chose* it, it was not imposed on us because our partners thought it was for our own good, or because we really "need" it.
I say this because I had a conversation with a fellow (don't worry, I don't even remember your nick) in a chatroom last night that has left me rather disturbed about the message some readers of this blog may have about the various disciplinary arrangements we six have with our partners.
Posted by Natty on 24 April 2005 at 08:41 PM in FAQ, Musings, Natty, Slice of life | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
While none of us have used a post to specifically link to something else, I read one of the most articulate discussions of punishment spankings within an adult disciplinary relationship that I've ever read over at Patty's blog, A Creative Spanked Wife and thought that it was quite pertinent to our discussions here. What I love about Patty is that she talks about DD as it really is, with all the complex aspects that intertwine when two human beings are trying to define their relationship. This particular post of hers specifically addresses what happens -- or should happen -- when two healthy adults decide to enter into this kind of relationship. That there comes a point where you let go of fantasy and deal with the utter reality of real life.
Posted by Natty on 03 April 2005 at 04:43 AM in Musings, Natty | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
A lot of stuff has been going on around here recently. Not that this is an excuse or anything, but it's hard for me to think clearly about discipline, punishment, spanking, kink, or anything sexual when my parents inhabit my office and other living space and work occupies nearly every waking minute that the baby doesn’t.
Anyway, awhile ago, Lil asked the question: "Have any of you ever needed discipline (even a play spanking) from your Dom, then discovered that he is not remotely interested in giving you one, or even having anything at all to do with spanking?"
The question brought up an entire gamut of emotions and memories for me. And to be honest, a (general) topic I've considered writing about before is the dissonance between partners' kinks and/or libidos. It's a topic in which I have a personal interest.
I suppose most of the time that most married couples don't have equal libidos. That is, one half of the couple is probably more interested in sex than the other half. Or, at least, at any given opportunity, one partner is generally more interested in sex than the other because of fatigue, stress, timing, atmosphere, or even the evening television schedule. So I suspect it is normal that partners' kink abilities don't exactly align either.
Posted by sparkle on 31 March 2005 at 02:19 PM in Musings, Rules, sparkle | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
My contributions to this site have thus far been rather sparse. For that I apologise, but I haven’t had anything specific to write about. However, Mija’s post, ‘So, Does It Work?’ has got me thinking. (Especially since I’m writing this instead of the story whose deadline is just around the corner!) Mija, I couldn’t agree more with your answers ‘Yes, no, sometimes and it depends’ in response to the question about whether RL discipline works.
Posted by Tasha on 14 March 2005 at 05:26 AM in Musings, Rules | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Most people think of spanking exclusively in terms of sexuality. And well, certainly the buttocks are physiologically set up for a great deal of erogenous potential. However, I find that spanking is a core part of me that taps into almost every aspect of who I am, with sexuality being only one part.
Posted by Natty on 12 March 2005 at 11:20 PM in Books, Health, Musings, Natty, Religion | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Does discipline and punishment work for me? This is probably a question for the site FAQ (er, when we get around to writing one). It's something that has come up in the Usenet group we've all been part of (alt.sex.spanking and its successor soc.sexuality.spanking). Can any adult, especially an adult with a spanking fetish (which I feel safe in saying all of the blog authors have to some degree or other) be punished by spanking and have that punishment work to change their behavior?
My answer: Yes, no, sometimes and it depends.
Does that make sense?
Posted by Mija on 09 March 2005 at 10:51 PM in FAQ, Mija, Musings, Rules | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)
I might be alone on this. My fellow authors might understandably be flabbergasted (and mortified) by this topic.
However, this blog is written by women, right? No, I do not intend this as a debate on whether we should be called or call ourselves ladies, girls, hotties, wives, bottoms, subs, spankees, women, chicks, or any other myriad of labels assigned to our gender. It's just that I believe that all of the authors of this site are of the female persuasion. Not that our gentlemen (and not so gentlemanly) friends and observers don't enjoy the blog - but there are a few topics that truly are generally confined by culture and modesty to discussion among women, and I need to write about one of them.
[Hint: If you can imagine anything related to the female body as the least bit squicky, perhaps you ought to skip to the next article.]
Posted by sparkle on 27 February 2005 at 08:59 PM in Health, Musings, sparkle | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
I've decided that I'm very annoyed by people who write incredibly sexist things regarding domestic discipline (or whatever you want to call it - I think for the purposes of this blog WWD, or What We Do, seems to sum it up best). I'm tired of reading long essays describing how best to take a woman in hand, or deal with her "feminine misbehavior" or any of that SHIT. (I didn't ask if profanity was okay ... If it's not, I'll edit it. Or take some paddle swats for it. :) I know a guy on the couch in the next room who'd be happy to oblige). Why does that attitude seem so prevalent in this "scene?" And yes ... I know there are MANY guys out there who don't take that line, but there are a lot who do. And even some women who do ...
Posted by Angie on 17 February 2005 at 04:13 PM in Angie, Feminism, Musings | Permalink | Comments (20) | TrackBack (0)
I really MUST get some work done this evening. For my own peace of mind, I know, but that peace of mind has been chiseled away over the last three or four days.
Still, C and I have been having an ongoing discussion about something that I think is relevant to Punishment Book - we've been discussing the power of rituals.
Posted by sparkle on 15 February 2005 at 08:39 PM in Musings, Rules, sparkle | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
Domestic Discipline, Corporal Punishment, Discipline and Punishment, Parental Spankings, Masculine Authority, D/s, BDSM, WIIWD, Guardian / child, so many terms and still I can't find one I like....
My partner Paul and I were talking a few nights ago about we'd call what we do. I told him I'm not fond of the term "domestic discipline" because it carries too much "male authority" baggage with it. I used to talk about him as my "guardian" but that carries the sense of me not being an adult, which I am. On some other sites, I cringe a little at the thought of using the term "Head Of Household," especially put into caps. I'm not down on it for someone else, but it's so not us. Not me, not Paul. We've definitely always been partners. And that's the way our relationship should be, maybe even more now that we're married.
Posted by Mija on 07 February 2005 at 11:47 PM in Feminism, Mija, Musings | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
I had a most amusing chat with a certain "Professor" at spankingchat.com the other night. After the initial "Where are you from, miss?" and "I'm 49 m, and you?" he asked the next most amazingly original question.
"Are you spanked in r/l, miss?"
"Yes."
"By whom?"
"My boyfriend."
"But I sense you crave something more."
Oh yes, I thought. You, oh-so-omniscient wise one, you can be that ever greater "more..." (rolling my eyes).
Posted by Natty on 01 February 2005 at 11:15 PM in Musings, Natty | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)
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